But nothing can come of it. Not with another athlete. Look at how much I’m affected now? It will only be worse if I let this all linger.
My heart aches at the thought of letting Rawley go.
Still, I don’t want to be made a fool again.
And I’m scared, so scared of that.
I never wanted to feel this way again.
Maybe Rawley’s one of the good guys, but today has only reinforced why I have my rule in the first place.
Look at howSteftaunted me. She didn’t care that he was “taken.”
Rawley may live up to his word, and not actually cross a line with her.
But what if he finds someone while we’re “fake” dating and wants to be with them for real?
I’ll get dumped, and be embarrassed again as the media follows him and his new girlfriend around.
Reliving the fear I felt earlier, I don’t think I’m ready to bridge it now.
I may be paralyzed by the past, but nonetheless, we have no future.
This has been fun, but it isn’t real, and it’s dangerous to let it go on longer.
Avery, end it before this all gets harder.
RAWLEY: Can I come over, so we can talk?
End it.
When I park at Sarah’s house, I study both his messages again.
And then I type out a reply.
AVERY: Sure. Come over whenever this afternoon.
Coming out of my full crash-out mode from earlier, I’m ready to talk, but the subject matter is going to be different than I anticipated an hour ago.
RAWLEY: On my way.
He’s standing in Sarah’s living room thirty minutes later, rubbing his hand down his face. Looking thoroughly upset and apologetic.
“Really, it wasn’t anything. She didn’t tell me she was coming over.”
Stay strong, Avery. This needs to be over before you get hurt.
I gesture for him to sit on the couch while I stick to the armchair. “It’s okay. I believe you.”
“You do? Really?” He looks hopeful more than surprised. My heart tugs, knowing what I plan to do.
Stay on task. This is going to suck but it’s for the best.
“You’re not a liar, Rawley, or a cheater.” I believe what I’m saying, even if it doesn’t change the right thing to do forme. “I’m fine. I was just shocked to see her.”
“Okay, I get that.”
I take a deep breath, steeling myself to say the words that need saying.
