“But I—got defensive. Protective of myself. Scared. Lots of different things.” She drops her eyes to the bench, where she’s rubbing it with two fingers.
I’ve never seen Avery as vulnerable as this. It’s—new. I want her to feel comfortable staying in this place. “It’s all right. I figured your rule has roots. I mean, you’ve already suggested as much.”
“Yeah,” she says, a little breathless. “Yeah.”
Watching her struggle to manage her emotions recenters my focus.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to, but I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
She lifts her eyes to mine again, sincerity shining through. “It’s not that I want to talk about it, but I…I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
It would be nice to have one, but I don’t want her to feel pressured.
“You don’t owe me anything. But you can share whatever you’re comfortable with, if only so I can understand what happened.”
She puts her hand on her lap and flicks her nails against her palms twice. Like a one-two beat to get started with her story.
“My high school boyfriend Topher”—that name, I hate him already—“he was the starting point guard on the boy’s team, and everyone loved him. Including my parents. Really charming, and he always made me feel like I was the only one in the room, you know?”
“Yeah, I’ve known people like that. How long did you date?”
“It started late sophomore year, until senior year, when I found out.”
I don’t want to ask what exactly she found out.
“My cousin Wells was two years behind us, but by the time he was a sophomore, he was on the varsity team and got to see the guys in their natural habitat, or whatever. He overheard Topher saying some really shitty things about me, and about using me to get to my dad, while also bragging about sleeping with another girl.”
Now I hate Topherfor real. Shit, I can’t believe she went through all that.
“I’m so sorry, Avery.” I scootch a little closer out of instinct.
“Wells came to me right away. He’s not a Boy Scout himself, he’s a total player to be honest, but he’s not a liar. He hates liars, actually, but that’s another story.”
I have no interest in going down a Wells Holding rabbit hole at the moment, so I stay quiet.
“So yeah, I had to go through the rest of senior year, not only hurt by Topher and what he said, what he did—but humiliated that the whole school knew about it. Having my parents ask a million times what happened.”
The hurt in her voice, it’s so pronounced, so unlike Avery, that I can’t just watch. I do what feels right, reaching out my left arm to extend around her. Our first real hug in weeks.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat as she leans against me.
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s years ago now, and I don’t think about it much. But that’s probably because I’ve had this boundary to protect me.”
“Yeah, the rule.”
She sits up straighter, tilting her head up toward mine. “I know you aren’t like Topher. I know that’s not what was going on with Stefani that day. And if anything, I owe you an apology.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do. I should have listened to you, listened to what my own gut was telling me, but I knee-jerked my way right into our break up.”
“Well, I understand better now based on everything you’ve told me.”
She gives me a small smile. “I truly am sorry. You have treated me better than any guy I’ve ever been involved with. You have such a big heart, Rawley.”
I let her compliment hover in the air. “Thank you.” I turn up my lips. “In case it’s important to hear, apology accepted.”
I’m not assuming anything more is on the table, but I don’t want her to have any doubts on that front. God knows what I would’ve done under the scenario she described. Her rule makes so much more sense now.
