“It was a car accident,” he says, the words catching in his throat. “I was in the backseat, asleep. I don’t even remember it happening. Woke up in the hospital with minor injuries. But when I asked about my parents…”
I think about my own mom. Nate and Ben and Liz, even Dad, waiting for Mom. People have babies all the time. It was supposed to be okay.
“They were the best,” Mike continues, softer, their memory bringing that out of him even after all these years. “My dad is the one who got me into music. He taught me how to play guitar when I was like, five, and he used to call me his little rock star because I wouldnevershut up about it.”
And my mom—” He stops, sniffling. “She was the first person I ever came out to. I was in second grade, and I didn’t even have the words for it, I told her I thought boys were pretty too, and she saidthat’s okay, so do I.”
I close my eyes.
“And then they weregone.” His fingers twist tighter in my shirt. “And I didn’t have anybody else. So they put me in the system.”
“Jesus, Mike—”
“It’s fine,” he says. “It’s just that I was— I’ve always been a lot, you know? Too loud, too much, too—” he gestures at himself. “Too everything. Not exactly the kind of kid people want to take in long term.”
What can I even say to that? Mike doesn’t have a family. I didn’t even know.
“I aged out at eighteen, and my parents had left me some money, so it all worked out.” He says practically. “Enough for school, enough for this place. So everything is all good.”
I recognize a lot of myself in him. He says everything is good the way I do. But I know the difference.
“It’s not.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “No,” he admits. “Not really.” His cold hand slides under my shirt to rest on my stomach. “I’ve never liked to sleep alone. I don’t know if it was the darkness, or the quiet, or being alone with my thoughts. But most nights, I would get into my parents’ bed at some point.” He exhales.
“It got so much worse after they were gone, but they weren’t there to comfort me anymore.” I tighten my arm around him, everything clicking into place.
The parties.
The sex with strangers.
“That’s why you have so many people over.” There’s a pause before he nods slowly, like that’s something he might not want to admit, but he does anyway.
“You don’t have to ask,” I say without thinking, and when he looks up, his eyes rimmed red, I don’t even want to take it back. “We don’t have to sleep together first, and you don’t have to getup early, so you’re not here when I wake up. Sleep here. I don’t mind.”
His mouth hangs open in shock.
And then his eyes fill with fresh tears that he quickly hides by taking his place, using me as an oversized pillow. “You okay?” I ask, my smile clear in my voice.
“Shut up.”
His breathing evens out before mine does. I lay there with his weight against my chest and his hand still resting beneath my shirt, thinking about a younger Mike who was too much for everyone. Who came out the other side still nothing but himself.
By the time I fall asleep, I’ve forgotten about why I was lying here in the first place.
Chapter 11
Before
Jason actually invited me to a party.
I can’t believe it.
We’ve been seeing each other for almost four months. Halloween is sort of our anniversary, but I didn’t expecthimto remember that.
Maybe I don’t give him enough credit.
His dad is really hard on him, nothing like my relationship with Nate. He expects him to live up to his idea of perfection, so naturally, being gay is a sore subject for Jason. He won’t even admit it to me.
