Or himself.
But this feels like a step in the right direction. We’re going out, spending time together somewhere that isn’t the woods or a parking lot after everyone has gone to sleep.
The thing is, I feel really bad about lying to Nate. We don’t do that. He’s always trusted me, and I can see that he doesn’t anymore. I know he’s worried, and I can’t exactly blame him.
But I don’t know how he would react to Jason and me being together. Dad’s homophobic as hell, but that’s not exactly surprising considering Dad hates everyone. Nate, though, I don’t think I’ve heard him have an opinion on being gay one way or the other, and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
I know Nate loves me. I know he wouldn’t kick me out or never talk to me again. He would probably come around.
Would he come around to me letting his star player fuck me in the back of his truck?
Probably not.
I don’t want to make things weird between us. And I hate disappointing him after everything he’s done for me. I mean, he gave up his entire life to take care of me, even if he tries to pretend it’s not a big deal.
So this stuff with Jason is starting to weigh on me.
But not enough to stop.
I head out into the living room, wearing my nicest band tee and the jeans that make my ass look the best. Fresh eyeliner that I know Jason likes, since he said it one day when he was fucking my mouth.
“Where you headed?” Nate asks, looking at my outfit with narrowed eyes.
I always stay home and give out candy in my scariest costume. It’s my thing. But this year, I have more important things to do. Besides, Nate’s got a date, and Ido notwant to be home if things go the way I’m sure he’s hoping.
“Out. Party, maybe. I dunno.”
“A party? You don’t go to parties.”
“I do now, okay?” I respond, staring down at my shoes so I don’t have to feel even more guilty that I already do. I’m not lying. He doesn’t have to knoweverythingI’m planning to do tonight.
“Make sure you’re home by midnight. There’ll be drunk drivers and shit, I don’t wanna be worrying about you.”
“Midnight. Got it.”
“I mean it, Alex.”
“Hey, Iris,” I say, pulling open the front door to find Nate’s new girlfriend standing there. I have to admit, she’s a lot better than the girls he usually dates. “Y’all have fun handing out candy,” I tell him, putting air quotes around the words.
I don’t believe that’s the real plan for a second.
Both of them look caught off guard in the best way, exactly what I was going for. But then Iris has to ruin it by being way tooniceand telling me to be safe, and now I feel bad for lying again.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, pulling out my phone to text Jason that I’m on my way.
We meet at the side of the house. It’s a big place in one of the rich neighborhoods. Would definitely be a good place to go trick-or-treating, but I don’t think anyone would want to givemecandy.
So I mourn the king-size candy bars silently.
The party’s already in full swing, with music coming from the front door every time it opens, while I wait by one of the trees off to the side, the way Jason instructed in his texts.
He appears a few minutes later, carrying a beer can, shouting at someone arriving. He looks good. In his element. I always thought I would date someone more like me, someone alternative, with tattoos—
But Jason is handsome in his own right, with green eyes and short hair that suits him.
Maybe one day I could talk him into getting some tattoos.
“Hey,” I say, giving him a smile I know he won’t return. “Ready?”
