Mike: Anyway, you’re allowed to be sad about it even if no one else is
I’m staring at my phone, fighting against tearing up because Mike just casually told me exactly what I needed to hear, when Iris turns around from the front seat. “You okay back there? You’re quiet.”
“Fine,” I say, locking my phone. “Just texting Mike.”
She smiles, reaching back to pat my knee. “He seems sweet.”
I narrow my eyes, while Nate chimes in. “You’re only saying that because he called you hot.”
“Well, yeah.”
The go back and forth, but I tune them out, watching the houses go by in the neighborhood the GPS lead us to. It’s nice, I have to admit. A family neighborhood. Perfect for them.
“Ilovethis house,” Iris says, turning to include me too. “But we don’t have to decide anything today.”
Nate reaches over and squeezes her hand. “Whatever you want, Darlin’.”
Alex: thank you
Mike: Anytime. Also, when you get back I’m holding you hostage in bed for a week, just so you know
Alex: Looking forward to it <3
Going to Ben’s house for every holiday is a Wesley family tradition. Mostly because he’s a lawyer, so he has a house big enough to hold everybody.
I hang my jacket by the entrance and tell myself I feel better.
And I almost believe that when Noah crashes into me hard before I’ve even taken three steps into the house. “Alex! You’re back!”
“Hey, bud.” I hug him back, ruffling his hair even though he knocks the wind out of me. He pulls me toward the living room by my shirt to show me a game on his iPad. I look back over my shoulder at Nate and Iris coming in behind me.
Iris goes to the kitchen to hug Gracie while Nate stops to talk to Ben in the entryway, saying something that makes him laugh.
I look away.
Noah shows me a video game with terrible graphics for about ten minutes before Sammy appears out of nowhere and tries to climb me like a jungle gym. Margot toddles over to investigatethe commotion and stands there staring up at me with big blue eyes, the same color as mine.
“Hi, Margot. You got a hug for uncle Alex?” I hold my arms out, but she continues to stare, still a little unsure about me.
“Guess not.”
Liz comes from the kitchen, finding me on the couch when Noah and Sammy have started arguing over whose turn it is with the Ipad. She sits down next to me with baby Maisie asleep on her shoulder.
“You doing okay, sweetie?”
I nod, waving at Maisie when she opens her eyes.
When I look back up at Liz, she has her head tilted, giving me that big sister look that I’ve never been able to deflect. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Thankfully, she knows when to let things go. Unlike Ben, who hasn’t stopped watching me since everything happened. They’re all careful about it. No one comes right out and says what they’re thinking. But it’s the elephant in the room every time we’re all together.
I hate it.
Dinner is loud, with multiple conversations going at once, everyone talking over each other. The people I love all together in one room. It should feel good. It does, in a distant sort of way. But I can’t shake this feeling I have that I’m on the outside of it all.
“We saw a house yesterday,” Iris says, passing the mashed potatoes. “The one on Oak Drive.”
