But I can’t unhear those words.
People like that.
People likeme.
“I’m gonna head out.”
“Come on, Alex, you know I didn’t mean—”
I leave him sitting on the bench press, and I don’t look back.
Mike is on the couch when I get home, picking at his guitar while he stares down at a notebook with sloppy lyrics on it. He looks up when I come through the door, and I know he can see that something’s wrong when he moves his guitar.
He doesn’t say anything as I sit down beside him. He pulls my head down onto his shoulder, and I close my eyes, trying to push away the panic clawing at my chest.
“It’s not four o’clock,” he says into the silence.
“I know.”
When I’m starting to feel a little bit better, I lift my head to ask the question that’s been sitting on my tongue since Ryan told me. “Are people talking about us?”
Mike glances down at me, running his hand through my hair. “I don’t know. Probably.”
I actually sit up then. “What do you mean,probably?”
He shrugs, picking at a string on the guitar he’s moved to his other side. “I heard something a few weeks ago. Didn’t think much of it.”
“Weeks ago.” I stare at him. “You didn’t think you should tell me?”
“It didn’t seem worth mentioning.” He plucks the string again, not meeting my eyes. “People like to gossip. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It means something to me.”
He does look up at that, an expression on his face that I don’t understand. “Why?”
“I don’t want people saying that.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t have people thinking I’m—” I pause, my heart starting to pick up at even the thought. “I can’t come out, Mike. I’m not doing that. I don’t know if I ever—” I stop, shaking my head. “No one can know about us.”
Mike is quiet for a long time before he nods, looking down at his hands, picking at the chipped black nail polish. “Okay.”
“I’m serious, man. If this got back to my family, to Nate—”
“I saidokay.”
“Okay. Good.”
I sit back against the couch and watch the movie Mike had on, too quiet to actually hear. He doesn’t say anything else. And he doesn’t lean into me, but I can’t think about that right now.
The only thing playing on a loop in my head is Ryan found out. He knows about us.
He knows about Jason.
Maybe Mike already—
No.
