Nate comes in, brushing snow off his shoulders, while Iris follows behind him, unwinding her scarf. They both smile when they see me, leaving their coats on the hanger to join me in the kitchen.
“Hey,” Nate says. “Have you eaten?”
“Not yet.”
“We were gonna make something.” He opens the fridge, scanning the options, but closes it without taking anything. “Actually. You got a minute? We wanna talk to you about something.”
I look between them at that. Iris is already smiling, and when Nate looks over at her, he does too.
“Okay,” I say slowly.
“So,” Nate starts, clearing his throat. “Iris and I have been talking for a while now about starting a family.”
“We’ve looked into options,” Iris adds. “Adoption, surrogacy, there are a few different routes, and we wanted to figure out what felt right for both of us.”
“We looked into getting an egg donor because I really wanted our baby to look like both of us, you know? But trying to find someone with Iris’s heritage is easier said than done,” Nate says, and I don’t think I really hear him through the ringing in my ears.
“But, I was talking to my sister about our plans, mostly complaining about the lack of options, and she offered. Just like that.”
“We went back and forth about it for months. Made sure everyone was really sure. And we think,” Nate looks at Iris. She nods. He looks back at me. “We’re going to do it.”
The kitchen is silent while they wait for me to say something.
I look back and forth at them. Nate’s face open and hopeful, Iris glowing, Nate wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close.
They’re going to have a baby.
Their own baby.
They’ve been thinking about it for months and planning it, andnowthey’re telling me.
They’re going to have a baby.
“So you’re gonna knock up Iris’s sister?” I know it’s a fucked up thing to say before it even comes out of my mouth. I can hear it. I hate myself for it. But I don’t have control of my mouth.
Nate’s smile drops. Iris goes still beside him.
“No,” he says, his lips turning up into a small frown. “It don’t work like that. It’ll be through a fertility clinic. Anika’s donating the eggs, and then we’d still need a surrogate to carry—”
“Right.” I look down at the counter. “Okay. I guess I’m confused. I figured you weren’t having kids.” I say it like it’s nothing. Like I can’t feel my entire body shaking with a feeling I don’t understand.
“You know I’ve always wanted a family with Iris,” Nate says, and I can tell he’s trying, but I push anyway.
“Yeah, but you can’t, though. It’s not really your baby, so what’s the point?” It’s like someone else is talking. Some asshole that wants to hurt the people I love most, and I want to strangle him.
But he’s me.
Iris has gone completely still, pulled away from Nate, her eyes shining in a way that has nothing to do with happiness anymore. A tear spills down her cheek that she wipes away quickly.
And then she walks out of the kitchen.
“Iris, wait—” Nate reaches for her arm, but she pulls out of his grip without looking back at him. She doesn’t look back one single time before she closes their bedroom door behind her. Nate watches the door for a long, tense moment before he turns back to me slowly.
I’ve seen him angry before. I’ve seen him worried and protective. But I’ve never seen him look at me like this.
“What the hell was that?”
“I didn’t mean—”
