“Because you’re funny and beautiful, and you have the biggest heart in all the Seven Planes –”
“No, I don’t. I’m little. A crow’s heart is bigger than mine.”
He loves Maeve more than me!But who wouldn’t? She’s gorgeous and a fantastic flier.
“Physically, yes. But you love without restriction, without fear of that love ending. You love for the purity of it, and that…” He shifts me in his arms as he sits down on the edge of a bathtub. Cupping my face with one hand, he smiles at me. “That is beautiful and rare, and I’m… envious of it.”
“Envious?” I ask disbelievingly.
“Yes. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to tell you I love you? But I couldn’t because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know. But those words… They felt too strong.”
“So you don’t love me?”
“No.” He cups my face with both hands, but he doesn’t kiss me. Why doesn’t he kiss me? He must hate me. “I love you so much, those words don’t feel like enough. But I was so afraid of saying them because…” He hesitates, thinking. “Because I was afraid of feeling them. You mean so much to me, my queen. More than… my promise to my sister, and admitting that… it’s terrifying. That promise has kept me alive. In the days I wanted to end it all, that promise kept me going. It became who I was. Everything I did, I did for her.”
My heart aches for the pain he so fully carries.
“But you… you remove all that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Aurelia would’ve loved you. She would’ve –” He chokes up, tears in his eyes. “She would’ve really loved you, and she would’ve called me an idiot for taking my time in telling you that. So I’m sorry, my queen. I should have told you weeks ago.” He pulls me tight against his chest. I close my eyes, listening to the rapid beat of his heart, tears still streaking down my face.
“And you don’t like Jace more?”
He chuckles. “No. He’s a brother to me, closer than Nick. The things we’ve been through together are like you and Fabia. Do you like Fabia more than me?”
I think about it. I would die for her. Kill for her. But if I had to choose between her and Richard? Panic hits me at the mere thought of it.
“I don’t know,” I say, hating that I’m failing him even in this. He loves me so much, and I’m not worthy.
“I understand,” he says. “Jace and I are like that. I would do anything for him, but if he and you were in a burning building, I’d run to you first.”
My heart lurches. “I would too,” I whisper. “If it were you and Fabia. Does that make me a terrible friend?”
“No,” he says as I lift my head. “We’re only human. We can’t do everything, and sometimes our choices are hard. But that doesn’t mean we love them any less. It’s just… a different sort of love.”
I nod. “I love her, but I don’t want to have sex with her.” I start to cry harder. “But you want to have sex with Jace.”
“No, I don’t.”
“But you liked him sucking on you, and he did it so much better. You didn’t even have to control him.”
“Because you were ordering him for me. And that was hot as fuck.” His thumb rubs across my cheek, wiping away a tear. “But I like moving you about because you’re mine, Arienna. That vulnerability and permission you give me is a gift. Jace isn’t mine. I don’t want to take anything from him.”
I sniffle. “So you really love me?”
His face softens. “More than anything.”
“I love you too,” I say as more tears roll down my face. My chest heaving, I shake my head. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”
