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For the Thrill of It

Page 13

by Samantha M. Thomas

Will. That’s the first time he’s ever used my nickname. Focus.

“I overheard you talking to Arlo after that guy came in here, and I know you’re an ex-Marshal and worked on the Tennison Strangler case, and I desperately need to pick your brain for this book, and I promise to not tell a single soul anything. I haven’t told anyone, and I’m on a tight-as-hell deadline and I’m stressed out, but I think you could help me.” I say it all in one breath, looking down at the table the entire time.

When he doesn’t respond, I peek up through my lashes and see his jaw clenched so tight I worry about his dental health.

I want to say more, but I think the best course of action is to let what I said sink in before I say anything else. I don’t want to make it worse than it already is. Lord knows, I have the tact of a toddler right now.

My mind is running through every possible scenario, and they start to look worse and worse for me.

I open my mouth to say something that could help my cause here but close it just as fast, because I don’t think there’s anything I could come up with to ease this situation.

I go back to staring at the table as I see Oakley in my periphery, tapping his index finger on the back of his other hand. The beat he taps gets faster, and I think I’m done for.

No more delicious coffee. No more perfectly grilled sandwiches. And no more book.

Fuck. I have no other option. This feels like the only way to get out of my writer’s block, and I just fucked up the entire thing.

“You didn’t tell anyone?” Oakley’s voice is so quiet I barely hear him.

“No! No, no one,” I say quickly.

His stare drills through mine, and I hold it. If there is a chance he’ll talk to me about his past, I need to be committed to doing anything.

“What did you hear exactly?”

Chapter 6

Oakley

The relief is evident in her body. Her huge exhale does nothing to settle my pounding heart. If I thought my anxiety was high before, hearing her say she knows anything about my past sends me nearly to the ground, curled up in a ball in a cold sweat.

“I was going to the bathroom when you and Arlo were talking. The door wasn’t shut all the way, and I stopped to listen. I know, it was so, so wrong, and I’m sorry. But it finally sparked some inspiration for this book I’ve been so blocked about. And I know it’s not a reason to betray you, but that’s my only excuse. I only know what you and Arlo talked about, just about what your past job was and the Tennison Strangler case. Then I booked it back to my table to start planning.” She says it all so fast, it’s hard to keep up with her.

But what I focus on is that she knows my past. She knows I’m a fuck-up who couldn’t catch one of the worst criminals in our history.

And I panic.

“Get out.”

“Oak—”

“Get out!”I yell.

The color drains from her face, and for a split second I feel like the biggest asshole, but I can’t do anything to stop the freight train that is my fear. I need her out of here before I do something I can’t take back.

“I’m so sorry, Oakley,” she whispers before unlocking the front door and quickly departing.

I slump against the chair, feeling the weight of my past hitting me like an anvil.

What does this mean now that Willow knows my deep secret? Do I need to move again? Can I still keep my life in Bluebell Falls without word getting out? She said she didn’t tell anyone, and I believe her because if she had, everyone would be at my door asking questions.

Fuck, I hate this so much.Every fear I’ve held on to for so long is rushing to the surface, and I feel like I’m about to break.

I stumble up the stairs to my apartment, feeling the beginnings of a full-blown panic attack in my lungs. Barely getting the door open, I slam it shut before dropping to my knees, clutching my chest. Everything feels tight, like I can’t breathe, can’t pull in enough air to function. My shirt sticks to my chest from the sweat, and I clumsily try to get it off, struggling with every movement.

I finally rip it off my body, using the momentum to get my jeans off too. Everything feels too constricting, and I need any relief I can get. Once I’m finally in just my boxer briefs, I lie flat on my back on the floor.

Using some of the tools my therapist gave me, I breathe in to the count of ten, and out to the same. I repeat this several times before my chest starts to loosen up enough for me to think clearly.