I knew he wanted to fuck me, and some of the sweet words he'd whispered to me were his true feelings, but to what extent?
My subconscious said I was scared to trust him, because I was scared to trust myself. And that was true.
I'd been hurt so many times by those that should have loved me, and I didn't want to be hurt again. And if Marco left tomorrow, I would never be the same.
I would never let another man touch me, get close to me, integrate intoanypart of my life. My heart would forever be behind a cage. That was how much he meant to me.
If I took a chance and wasn't enough for Marco, I'd be devastated. My pride would be destroyed. And somehow, that was what I needed.
I couldn't keep going like this. At least if I tried now, opened up, let myself be vulnerable and he couldn't handle me, it would hurt less now than it would later.
I craved his presence, attention, time, affection, care, and devotion, but for right now, I could survive without him. I'd find a way. My familia could be my sole purpose again and that would be enough.
But if this continued? I'd reach a point where a life without him wouldn't be worth living. And every day I spent near him made me realize how dangerously close I was to that future.
I parked my car in the garage while Marco pulled in behind me. He helped me grab our leftovers and followed me into my house, then made his way to the kitchen to put everything away. Watching him do so, as though he'd been here multiple times and knew his way around, strengthened my resolve.
Marco walked back to the garage, then turned before he left. "I won't be able to see you for the next couple of days, but I'll be at the party."
I squeezed the doorknob as a burst of pain racked through me.
He's not leaving for good, it's okay. If he said he'll be back, he will.
"Is everything okay?"
He leaned against the door frame, which was far more attractive than it should have been. "Yes, just somepestsI need to take care of, and I want to make sure it isn't tied to you."
He said the word like a curse, and I bit my lip. I wanted to ask who he was going after and what happened, but I truly didn't have any right to. A dark, heavy, nasty feeling settled in my gut.
This must have been how he felt when he couldn't get involved earlier.
"You don't have to protect me."
"I know, but I want to, always." He slid one finger under my chin, tilting my head up to his. "Now, aren't you going to tell me you'll miss me?"
I shifted my eyes from his penetrating gaze. Normally, I'd say no, that he was delusional for even asking. But I didn't want that to be our last interaction. Not after today. I wanted him to know the truth, just this once. "I will."
His eyes widened, and he drew back, his surprise making me smile. It felt like I'd found my balance again.
Slowly, his lips spread into a grin. "Don't worry, I'll text and call you so much it'll feel like I never left."
Good. "So you'll annoy me to no end, hmm?"
"Well, I can't have my queen thinking I forgot about her." He twirled the ends of my hair around his finger, then sighed. "I'll see you soon, Lina."
He turned to leave, and I almost let him go, my courage and fear in a fierce battle. But watching him walk away gave me the strength I needed to try. "Marco?"
He turned back at the sound of my voice, and I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, stood on my tiptoes, pulled him down to me, and kissed him.
He didn't move, didn't blink, and when I realized what I'd done, I slammed the door in his face.
Marco
I jammedmy foot between her door and its frame at the last minute. Catalina tried to push the door closed again, but I refused to budge.
She opened the door, confused, then looked down at my foot. Slowly, her eyes traveled back up my face and she shrank back.
I moved forward.
