Vivian blinks, then moves her arms to prop herself up just enough for her to glance at the sorry state of them. Flinching at the sight, she starts moving toward me. Each scraping inch of her sensitive skin on the ground makes me cringe internally. Fuck, what I wouldn't give to wrap her in a blanket for the rest of eternity.
As she gets closer, her salty rain scent surrounds us, calming me just enough to not growl at the state of her fucking body. "Hi," I whisper reaching for her head and shoulder to help her lay back down an inch from the bars. "Okay, let me just clean you up."
I'm not sure why I'm talking to her because her eyes have already shut and her breathing has deepened once again. She's asleep, yet I continue explaining what I'm doing so I don't freak her out. Or maybe I'm trying not to freak myself out.
If I just keep talking maybe then I can ignore the ache in my heart and rage building in my hindbrain. I don't find anything more than some scrapes and road rash, but the dirt, exhaustion, and the horrific treatment of this woman?—
"Are you okay?"
The rag slips from my hands at the raspy whisper.Vivian just...she just fucking spoke to me!Immediately my hand goes to her face and brushes the hair away from her open eyes. "Did you—did you just speak?"
I don't think my heart has ever thrashed so wildly in my chest. When the pretty omega nods and blushes slightly, I blow out a breath of awe. Then I realize what the fuck she just asked me.
"So, the first time you talk to me is when you're lying here in pain and exhaustion. Not only that, but you askmeifI'mokay?! What the fuck?" I need to calm down, but seriously, what the hell.
Back to being nonverbal, Vivian shrugs and nods. She looks at me like she's worried. Not for herself, but for me. Why is she worried about me?
"No, I'm not okay, Firefly. This is fucked and I'm losing my mind not being able to do anything to help you. I want to be the one getting beaten and starved. I should be the one thrown in a fuckinghole."
My rant pauses in my throat when her trembling hand grabs mine and squeezes gently. Eyes drooping, she doesn't seem to be up for talking anymore. I still can't believe her first words to me were that ridiculous.
Sighing, I hold her hand and continue wiping the mud from her fingers while she drifts off. "You just rest, Vivian. I'll be here."
Air puffs from her chapped lips drawing me in and holding my attention. Had I not been focused on her mouth I might have missed her fourth word. "Riot..." she breathes, and her body goes completely slack.
She didn't need my feelings, but she sure as fuck demanded them, didn't she?
Thirty-Two
Vivian
Ifeel like I'm losing my mind. As if it's no longer my own or maybe I've changed so drastically in the past, who knows how long, that I can't control my emotions.
I once thought that my ability to check out and slip away from the world was a problem. Mainly because people told me it was. But now, fuck, it's a reprieve. It's the only time I feel like myself.
I've never had so many moments of all-consuming rage before. My body literally vibrates like there's something inside of me that needsout. Then Riot will take a deep breath, say something gentle and reassuring, and it fades.
That in itself is infuriating. Why am I so influenced byhisshit? Only my pack mates should be able to make me anxious with their big feelings and help me feel better with their soft looks and smiles.
Obviously I know that statement screams of attachment issues, but I think everyone who has ever met me knows I have a whole grocery list of items wrong with me.
Riot sees it. Fuck, does he see it. Sometimes I feel embarrassed; other times I'm wondering why the hell he still acts like he cares.
My pack has never seen me this way, yet a stranger gets to judge me during the worst time of my life. There are moments of connection between me and Riot, but I either get sucked into my depression and self-loathing, or Riot gets pissed off about something and distances himself. I hate that the physical distance he puts between us makes my chest feel heavy. As if each foot away from me is another pound of dead weight on my creaky bones.
I will not break though. Not for Riot and not for the guards.
No matter how many times I defy them and get my ass beat or my water supply taken away, it doesn't matter. It really is okay because I will fight for my connection with my mates until my dying breath.
Kade, Silas, and Jarek have earned my love, devotion, loyalty, submission, and attention. These guards, the people who aim to hurt and belittle me, have earned nothing but deeper growls, longer hisses, and claw-like nails.
I have no weapon, no pack to shield me, so I must rise to the occasion. I've done it too many times to count at this point, and I'll continue. No matter how many times Riot begs me to just give in and give up. He doesn't say those words, but I know he wants me to be docile to reduce the damage.
The only time anyone can get me to lie down and be what they desire is when they use their words instead of their fists. If I get out of here, my next goal should be to take back the power words have over me.
I'll never be able to ignore my pack, but I shouldn't let these abusive assholes have any sway over my insecurities. I mean, for fuck’s sake, these people are literally the world’s worst inhabitants. In no realm should their thoughts and opinions have any influence over me.
My chest vibrates with a lingering growl that feels like it's been going on for forever. I'm sick of crying, so my only other option is to get mad. I just wish it would be productive.
