When I swallow, it feels like shards of glass. Not ready to see his reaction, I keep my eyes on the floor and blurt it out. “She said that you like Natalie—and that she liked you back. I guess I understand that you can’t be together since you’re her boss, but I don’t want to stand in your way. I’m sure there’s a way that you guys can be together. Isn’t there like an HR contract that you can sign or—”
A loud laugh startles me, leaving me grasping at my non-existent pearls, and when I expect it to stop, he just keeps going.
Standing there dumbfounded, I can’t figure out what’s going on. Our gazes meet, and I watch as a tear rolls down his face, leaving me more confused than ever.
“That bitch… that fucking bitch.” He tries to calm himself down, but his chuckles are still intermixed with his words. “Rebecca is an idiot. If she’s going to lie to you, she should at least make it something realistic.”
“What?”
“El, listen. I love Natalie—” Hurt flashes across my face, and when Patrick realizes what he’s done, he quickly gets to the point. “But, she’s a lesbian. Her girlfriend couldn’t make it this weekend, so that’s why she’s here by herself.”
A sigh of relief releases from my lungs as he continues. “Rebecca has had a crush on me for years, and despite her persistence, I am not interested in her in the slightest. I’m so sorry, El. I didn’t realize that she would play dirty like that to try to scare you away.”
Within the same breath, his tone changes so quickly, and I don’t know what to say. I’ve never seen Patrick angry before, but I would not want to be on the receiving end of this.
“She is a fucking psychopath! Holy shit—” He starts to stand up and walk towards the door before I grab his arm. His body towers over me as he turns around. While I don’t actually stand a chance at stopping him, I’m grateful that the action is enough to get him to still. “Ellie, let me go. She can’t get away with this shit.”
“Patrick. Listen to me—”
I try to keep my voice calm, but honestly, I’m also upset. It is one thing to be jealous about someone else’s relationship, but it is another thing to sabotage it. Even so, there's nothing we can do about this right now. We have no idea if Rebecca is stilldown at the bar, and even if we did, I don’t want to know what Patrick would do or say.
“It’s not worth it. Not right now.” I beg, squeezing my hands around his forearm, and all I can feel is his warmth. My voice is quiet. “Stay here with me,please.”
There is something in his eyes. It looks like remorse, but I can’t quite tell. His body shifts to stand in front of mine, and when he reaches down to cup my face, I lean into his hold. If I was smart, I would step back and give us some space, but it feels too good to be close to him. “El, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I promise that I’m going to do something about it.”
“You don’t have to. I’m not really your girlfriend, so it’s not like you have to defend my honor,” I respond, knowing that none of this matters.At some point soon, Patrick and I will fake break up, and everything will go back to the way it was. The only interaction we’ll have is some brief moments at The Brew, and Rebecca’s nonsense will be nothing but a funny anecdote to tell at parties.
He rubs his thumbs gently across my cheekbones. “I want to defend you, El. Fake girlfriend or not. You mean something to me.” A soft kiss is placed on my forehead, and it takes him an extra second to pull away. “Fuck, I really don’t know how this happened.”
That’s a joke, right?” I scoff, having it come out harsher than I intended.
His features become confused as I move out of his grip. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Patrick, do you not realize how many women in your office are pining after you? When I was in the bathroomyesterday, I overheard—” My lips slam shut when I realize that I don’t actually want to admit this to him.
“Ellie.” His voice is firm. “What did you overhear in the bathroom?”
“Oh, it was really nothing.” Crossing his arms over his chest in a ‘annoyed parent’ move, Patrick takes a step back and sits on the bed, waiting for me to continue. That intimidating look shouldn’t work, but the words come spilling out of me. “Okay, fine. When I was in the bathroom after dinner last night, there were these women talking about how they thought you were attractive and how they wanted to be with you. They didn’t understand why you would be with someone like me, and I get it. I’m not conventionally attractive, and I’ve never been the one people are interested in. No one my age ever really shows interest, so I just assume that maybe they’re right, you know?”
A tick in his jaw leads me to believe that I’ve somehow pissed him off, but when he speaks, his tone is gentle, cautious. “Are you being serious?”
I nod.
“Fuck, El. How could you think that no one wants you? You are gorgeous, hilarious, witty, smart—" He covers his face with his hands, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I can’t even fathom all of the things that you are. There is no denying that you are literally everything anyone could want.”
My voice comes out louder and more defensive than I anticipated. “You can say that all you want, but it won’t make me believe you. How am I supposed to think that’s true when everything in my life says otherwise? How can I be all of thosethings when literally no one has been interested in me since my ex? Well, other than the creepy guys who hit on me at The Brew, but they shouldn't count.”
I throw my arms up, failing at trying not to be overdramatic, but I’m feeling embarrassed by the way he overexaggerates. I hate when guys only say things to be nice because all it does is create a false sense of security.
His chin lifts in defiance, and there is an edge to his voice. “Is that because no one is interested or because you’re not letting anyone be interested?”
The answer to his question should be obvious, but it isn't. While I want to tell him that no one is interested in me, it also stands that I haven't been open to letting anyone in either. That shouldn't be as surprising as it is. The barrier between me and everyone else is a wall I built myself.
“I-I don’t know.” A magnetic pull draws me towards Patrick. As my body moves closer, my breath gets caught in my lungs until I’m standing right in front of him. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I can’t seem to stop myself. My gaze moves down to meet his as I step between his legs. “But if I’m being honest, it doesn’t even matter because I don’t care aboutanyone.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, El?” His breathing gets shallow, and his fingers play with the hem of my dress. I want him so bad, but his hands don’t move, staying down by my side. He is close enough to make me ache but makes no move to actually touch me.
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore.
