In this case, however, John needed the distraction more than he needed his books to be accurate.
After two weeks, John had eventually made such a mess of things that his secretary locked him out of his study, claiming that it would take him a year to fix the books. John just laughed and did not apologize, but he did stop trying to interfere.
He switched his attention to riding his estate, instead. Over a period of a month or more, he investigated every field and every fence to see if there was anything that needed attention. Never mind the fact that his very capable steward did this on a regular basis.
Of course, John did not find anything that needed to be done, but the search itself had taken enough time that he was finally over the worst of his sorrow by the time he completed his task.
He was tired of being alone. It was time to return to London. Perhaps the busyness of the Season would help him forget. At the very least, his responsibilities in parliament would take up his time and attention.
He arrived at his London house in the middle of January. It took him a week or more to become at least a little accustomed to the fact that Natalie was no longer there to manage his household. Only now that she was gone did he realize how trulyexcellent she had been at everything she attempted, including housekeeping. He did not miss her sharp tongue, but he missed everything else.
With time and effort, John gradually eased back into London society and politics. Towards the end of January, he even agreed to attend a ball at Lady Castleton’s home. Normally, he would stick to card parties and avoid balls like the plague, but Lord and Lady Castleton were among his favorite people to play whist with, and he would have felt incredibly guilty declining their invitation.
He arrived a little late, too late to greet his host and hostess at the door since they had already gone in to start the dancing. John wandered around the ballroom for a bit, watching the dancers and looking to see if any of his friends were there.
One of the first people he noticed was Darcy standing on the sidelines next to his wife, who was speaking to a friend nearby. “I didn’t know you would be here this evening,” John said to his cousin.
“The reverse also holds true,” said Darcy. “To be frank, I wasn’t certain you would feel up to attending such festivities just yet.”
“I am not certain either,” said John. “But I felt I had to try. Simply rattling around the house by my lonesome isn’t helpful, so I have been attempting to get out and about.” John did not wish to discuss his mourning any further. He felt he said enough about it simply by the fact that he wore a black armband. “So, tell me what you are doing here. I thought you disliked balls intensely.”
“I don’t dislike them,” said Darcy slightly defensively. “I just see no need for them now that I am quite happily married. Tonight, however, I am here for Georgiana. I suppose that I amalso here for Elizabeth’s sister. She is spending the season with us.”
John suddenly felt as if someone had slid a cold snowball down the back of his shirt. With a sense of foreboding, he asked, “Which sister?”
“That would be Mary,” said Darcy. “She has improved a great deal over the last few years. She and Georgiana became quite good friends when we visited Longbourn this past Christmas, so Georgiana asked if we could invite her to stay with us for the Season.”
“I see,” said John. He wasn’t certain whether to attempt to bolt from the room in order to avoid meeting her again or seek her out.
In the two years since he had last seen Miss Bennet, he had thought of her often, usually with fondness tinged with regret. He tried not to linger on the thoughts too much, but when Natalie had been particularly harsh or unpleasant, he couldn’t help but wonder what might have been if he had met Miss Bennet first.
It was a pointless daydream. Miss Bennet was too young. She would have been only sixteen when he married Natalie, and by her own account, she would have been a very different young lady from the one he knew.
Without realizing that he had made the decision to stay, John’s eyes wandered over the dancers, looking to see if she was among them.
Now that he knew she might be there, she was not difficult to spot. She was dancing with Lord Sansbury. Her features had not altered much in the intervening years, but her expression and manners were quite different from what he remembered.
Whereas before, she had been polite and civil in company, now she was friendly and smiling. In fact, she was so good at appearing open and cheerful that for a moment, John thought that perhaps she found her dance partner interesting or even attractive.
That couldn’t be true, however. John knew Lord Sansbury was obsessed with his dogs and his hunting, and he couldn’t often speak of much else, while Miss Bennet was well-informed on almost every subject except those.
As he watched her more closely, he realized that she had simply adopted a more friendly mask. He was reminded that her serious expressions and polite demeanor had been a mask that hid a storm of strong emotions and an exceedingly active and curious mind. He assumed that she had simply learned to create a more pleasing mask, and he hoped that the person beneath the mask was still the same incredibly interesting creature.
He was reminded of a couple of their conversations on honesty and how she was adamant that public honesty was impossibly risky. It seemed as though she had not changed her stance on that subject.
Darcy must have noticed that he was watching Miss Bennet, for he said, “I admit, she isn’t as pretty as her other sisters, but she is definitely the most accomplished of the family.”
His cousin’s observation annoyed John. Without thinking, he said, “You are wrong, my friend. She is beautiful.”
Out of the corner of his eye, John saw Darcy stare at him. “You must be looking at the wrong lady. I forgot that you haven’t met her before. Miss Mary is the one dressed in blue, dancing with Lord Sansbury.”
Irritation bubbled up even stronger. He wanted to tell Darcy that he would recognize Miss Bennet anywhere, but he kept hismouth shut. He was not yet certain if she would want anyone to know that they had met before or how much of a relationship she would admit to. “I see,” he said.
When the dance was over, Lord Sansbury escorted Miss Bennet over to where they were standing. He saw the very moment she recognized him. Her eyes widened, and there was a brief pause in her pace. By the time she was close enough to speak, however, she had schooled her features back into a pleasant smile.
Lord Sansbury thanked her for the dance, said a brief hello to John and Darcy, and scampered off to find his next dance partner.
As soon as he was gone, Darcy said, “John, may I present Miss Mary Bennet, my wife’s sister. Mary, this is my cousin, Lord Matlock.”
