“It could kill me… Si. I know.”
We both grew quiet with Mahzeyah sighing loudly.
How did I tell a child that death was better than this? How could I articulate that being without the two things that made me feel something felt like death in itself? My body was not only detoxing the drugs, but the man too. While it was trying to ridmy system of Shio, I was holding onto every bit of him that I could.
The way the sweat dripped off his deep skin as he worked out.
The meal preps he ate religiously when he wasn’t prepping our meals fresh.
The way his glasses sat on the tip of his nose as he wrote in the journal.
The way his muscles flexed as he removed stacks of money from the counting machine before binding them with rubber bands.
These days, I’ve only been thinking of all things Shio, and when I wasn’t thinking of Shio, I was thinking ofcocaína(cocaine).So, yes, I knew this method of rehabilitation could kill me— the Alexa machine told Italian and me as much, but there were things far worse than death…
Like being ignored by Shio.
And not being able to purchase my fix from the friend I’d made.
“I need adistracción(distraction).”
I needed not to think about pain, the drugs, or the man who left me here.
“Okay, I can help with that.”
Instead of letting her lead the conversation, I quickly asked, “How is cheer?”
She looked so cute in her uniform the day they had to wash the vomit from my hair. I’d always loved American cheerleaders. As a child, I thought girls in scanty dresses were only a thing on TV until I was old enough to understand it was very real.
“Cheer camp is cool. I have a few colleges looking at me.”
“That is so good. Education is important.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You don’t sound too happy…”
“It’s not that. I love cheer. My father put me in it when I was young because he wanted me to gain social skills. It was my aunt’s idea, and although I hated it at first, I’d learned to appreciate it. I’ve fallen in love with it. But… I don’t know if I want to do it on a collegiate level. My friends and I have plans on going to college together. Bella has already decided to transfer from JBU if we decide to go elsewhere. I don’t want to be stuck at cheer practice and at games when my girls are out living their best lives without me. It’s bad enough that I’m missing the action over here when I’m at camp during the day. Plus, my daddy is rich. I don’t really need scholarships. They can go to someone that actually needs the money for school.”
I remembered when I thought the same ofmi padre(my father). He was rich, from what I knew then. I could just get up, go swipe a credit card, and party until my knees were sore to forget my troubles. My papa had the money for me to do so. But he hadn’t had it like I thought he did. Now that I knew that, I wondered how my life was sustained with his large debt to many other cartels.
“That’s commendable of you… Wanting to give up the scholarship offers so others can use them to go to school.”
“Yeah… And I also want to go on the road with Flexer when I’m on break. Like how Missy does with Essex. You know Essex, right, the rapper?”
“Si.”
I was versed in American music. Plus, Shio worked out to his raps religiously. He was one of Shio’s close friends from what I gathered when they spoke on the phone.
“Flexer is also a rapper. ¿Si?”
She’d played his music for me, and it also felt familiar. The clubs back home mostly played more American rap than Latin and Hispanic music to cater to tourists.
“Yeap. He’s one of the best out. He likes me a lot. I like him too, but I’m in high school…” She chuckled. “I’m stuck here in Jagoda Bay while he’s on the road, living his best life.
“I’m not saying I want to be with him all day long because I still want to be with my girls, but I want to be able to move freely. School is a non-negotiable because I will be getting that degree on time, but cheer will just take up more time from me being a rapper’s girlfriend and me being my friend’s wing woman. It’s just… a lot of decisions I have to make.”
I grinned, though it hurt. Her problems were so cute. Here she was, spoiled, rich, talented, and loved immensely, and was battling with wanting to quit cheer so she could be with her boyfriend and friends more. She was telling all of this to a woman locked in a room by a man she wanted to be with, but instead, he was ignoring her because she liked to do drugs.
