“May I give my… Ooo?—”
“Opinion?”
“Si… si.”
“Of course. Please tell me I’m not crazy because I know if I tell my parents I want to quit cheer, my daddy will be hurt, but he will be okay with my decision. But my mama? Avenue gonna ram my head between the washer and the dryer.”
“You’re notloco(crazy).”
“Good. Good.” She sighed.
“But you shouldn’t quit cheer.”
She groaned. “Solanaaaaa!”
“Unless it is something you really want to do, Mahzeyah. I know you and your friends love each other, and I love that you all will be going to college together. But you can still cheer and hang with them. They can sit in on some of your practices and come to all the games. At least the ones at your university. Do not ever think you are missing out on something. You are not, okay? It will be there. Your friends will be there.”
At her age, I wished I were committed to a sport and a friend group. The girls were living a teen sitcom, and I’d been enjoying spending time with them, even if it was through a door.
“And Flexer?”
Licking my lips, I thought of the right words to say. “I… I have never had a boyfriend, Mahzeyah. I did not—no. I do not think I had a boy to like me at your age. I… looked different from everyone, and even if I blended, my father would have never allowed it.”
I shook my worries from my head because I was beginning to fall into that deep, dark, endless hole. “I can’t really speak on a subject I am not privy to, but I do understand wanting to be near someone that you like. It is almost as if not having them hurts. When you are not around him, you cannot focus. You cannot eat. You cannot sleep.”
“See, exactly! Like, I need to be in my nigga’s skinnnnnn! Oh my gosh! Yes.”
“Umhm. But still, do not quit cheer.”
“Really, Solana?”
“Yes, really. He is a world-famous rapper. Is he not?”
“Ion know aboutworld, but he famous.”
“He can make time to see you. You do not always have to stop your life to see him. Girls need things. Hobbies. Friendships. We need things outside of the love of a boy. Cherish your things. When all you have is the boy, as soon as he does something to hurt you, whether it be intentional or not, it will not only hurt, but it will be the worst pain you have ever felt. I do not say that to be negative because Flexer may be a wonderful boy.”
“But you’re saying I shouldn’t be all about a boy. Same stuff my parents be sayin’.”
“And they are not wrong.”
“And Flexer is my mama’s favorite rapper, so I know she ain’t biased. Uggghhh! I’m sick.”
“You need medicine?”
“No, girl, no… I’m sick, like… basically saying I’m caught between a rock and a hard place, and ain’t nothing I can do about it but accept fate.”
“Hmm.”
“Gosh, Solana.”
Maybe if I had something, anything, I would not have been so deep in with drugs and so deep in with the first man that showed genuine interest and care. She needed her things, her own things. I was happy to hear that she wanted to go to school, so I shifted the subject from the boy.
“What will you pursue in school?”
“Psychology. I’m getting into addiction studies and recovery.”
“Fitting.”
