His eyes hooded as he kept looking at me as if I were the Mona Lisa. There were two chairs in the room, but we ignored them and just stood close to each other. He was studying me, and I was doing everything I could to hide what he was searching for.
Just say it, Glee. He deserves to know. Tell him you had a baby! Tell him he has a daughter who looks just like him and you,I was screaming to myself.
“You know out there… Outside of these walls, a nigga barely slept. I didn’t dream. I saw no point in the shit. I was a doer ’cause nigga like me couldn’t afford to dream.”
He licked his lips as his eyes dropped to mine. Involuntarily, I licked mine too.
“But now, all I do in this bitch is sleep, Cali Glee,” he admitted.
“Are you depressed, Leader? I mean… How’s your appetite? Do you have difficulty concentrating, any… wild thoughts, like of harming yourself?”
I needed to know. It was crazy how I was diagnosing him as if I didn’t have my own issues to resolve.
“Yeah and no. None of those symptoms, though. I just enjoy sleeping now. And not ’cause I’m locked up either. Jail was inevitable. In my position, it was either jail or death. I’d been lucky to go as long as I had without being jammed up.” He preached the same song and dance while I sighed.
“I’m fucked up because of you, baby. I go to sleep because it’s the one place I see you constantly. I’d never dreamed until the first night here. Shit scared the fuck out of me too.” He chuckled, his minty breath tickling my face. “It felt so real, so right. I woke up the next day, on a hard-ass cot, mad at the fuckin’ world ’cause I had no way to get to you, Pretty Mama.
“You ain’t gotta talk to a nigga. As a matter of fact, you’re too fuckin’ good to be caught up with a nigga that’s doing all this fuckin’ time. But, shit… Let me be a man, baby. That’s the one thing the law can never take from me. Let me pay for your schooling, and if scholarships doing that, let me pay for you a high rise or some shit. That way, you can study with the city underneath you. Show all them muthafuckas you one of one. Buy you a new whip so you can ride to campus in luxury and shit. Let me keep your pockets full, Glee. And so that my mama can quit stressing me the fuck out, unblock her number, please, Pretty Mama.” He chuckled again, but my lip were trembling too much for me to join him.
My body struggled not to shed more tears as Leader’s words seeped into my heart. I had a full scholarship that covered housing, but there was a condition: it had to be on campus. I didn’t know of any housing that accepted single mothers, and if there was, I was sure my scholarship wouldn’t cover it. A condosounded nice, and so did a new car, even though mine barely had any miles on it since I couldn’t take it to BU last year as a freshman. However, the idea of living alone with my daughter terrified me. The thought of driving an expensive car with valuable cargo in the back seat scared me even more. It was all overwhelming. I was still trying to get used to being a mom, and I’d only had a little over three weeks to cope with my new reality.
“You know what’s crazy? I haven’t talked to my son once since being here. I’ve been going through drastic-ass measures to locate you, but haven’t attempted to find ole girl.”
“Amaya?” I asked, although I knew who he was referring to.
He nodded before licking his lips as he went back to looking me over.
Tucking my feelings into my back pocket, I thought about my daughter’s brother.
Brother.
My baby girl had something Glow and I never had. I’d always wanted an older brother growing up, but just the two of us had been good enough, especially with the dynamic happening in our childhood home.
“How is Leland? I mean… Has your mama or sister seen or spoken with him?”
The thought of Amaya left a terrible taste in my mouth. I knew Leader was content with his circumstances, but the bitter part of me resented her. Had she not gotten into his car with drugs, being spiteful, he’d be free.
AndBaby Leader would have her father.
The thought of Amaya finding out I had a daughter made me tense. She’d been so nasty to me. I could only imagine how she would act toward my child.
Leader kissed his teeth, snapping me from my thoughts. “Nah, but it’s straight. I know it won’t be long before Amayapops back up. She can onlymotherfor so long. My lil’ homie gone be straight. He a soldier like his daddy.”
I said a quick prayer for Leland. Amaya had no right to be cruel in a situation she created. Keeping his child from him and his family wasn’t the right move. It was childish, and at her big age of twenty-eight, she knew better.
I have no room to talk about maturity.
“Cali Glee?”
“Hunh?” I stammered, Leader calling out to me and pulling me from my thoughts again.
“Where you keep going off to, baby?”
“I… I?—”
“Don’t even sweat it. I know being here is a lot.” Leader pulled me into his chest again. “I’m so proud of you, Pretty Mama. I know I came in your world and fucked up your plans. I know I broke your heart. But I was never on no fuck nigga shit, Calista. I didn’t touch Amaya after laying eyes on yo’ pretty ass. I would have never entered you knowing I was still fuckin’ off. If I was still out there, just know… you’d be endgame for me.”
He bent down, and I naturally met his face as it came closer to mine. He placed a kiss on the left side of my mouth, making me shudder at how soft and plump his lips were. He felt just as I remembered, and I couldn’t stop the heat rising from my torso to my neck.
