My mind is spinning. Pregnant. I might be pregnant. With Calvin’s baby.
We were careful. Mostly. Except that first night, we weren’t. And then a few other times when we were too caught up to think about consequences.
Apparently, consequences don’t care if you’re thinking about them or not.
“I have tests,” I say suddenly. “Pregnancy tests. From two years ago, I think? When I moved here, I just packed everything from my medicine cabinet without going through it. I never throw anything away…”
I’m already moving, leaving Ella with Lois, heading to the bathroom. To the cabinet under the sink where I shoved all the moving boxes I never properly unpacked.
It takes me three tries to find the right box—“medicine cabinet miscellaneous.” I dig through old prescriptions, expired sunscreen, half-used bottles of lotion. And there, at the bottom, I find a box of pregnancy tests with two tests inside. Hands shaking, I check the expiration date. They’re good for another year.
“Do you want me to…?” Lois has appeared in the doorway, Ella on her hip.
“Stay. Please. I can’t.” My voice breaks. “I can’t do this alone.”
“You’re not alone, honey. We’re right here.”
“Okay. I’ll be right out.”
I lock myself in the bathroom and take both tests. Two minutes each. The instructions are burned into my memory from last time, when I suspected I might be pregnant with Ella.
Once I’ve peed on them and washed my hands, I set them on the counter and open the door, letting Lois see me but keeping Ella at a distance. She doesn’t need to see me like this, all shaking, terrified, on the verge of tears.
As we wait, Lois keeps up a steady stream of cheerful chatter with Ella, pointing out things through the window, asking Ella to get her things. But her eyes keep flicking to me.
The two minutes feel like two hours, and when enough time has passed, I can’t look quick enough.
The tests are positive. Both of them.
The floor feels unsteady beneath me, and I reach out to grip the doorframe, trying to breathe. The whole room is shifting, and I don’t know which way is up and which way is down.
“Georgia?” Lois sets Ella down with her toys and comes to me. “What do they say?”
“Positive. Both of them.” The words come out flat. Shock, probably. “I’m pregnant.”
Lois pulls me into a hug, and I let her, but I feel numb. Disconnected.
“Come sit,” Lois guides me to the couch. “Just breathe for a minute.”
“I can’t do this,” I hear myself say. “I can’t be a single mother to two kids, Lois. I barely manage with Ella. How am I supposed to?—”
“You’ll do it the same way you’ve done everything else,” Lois says firmly. “One day at a time. With help from people who love you.”
“But it’s not just about managing. It’s about…” I press my hands to my face. “It’s about giving them the life they deserve. Two kids, no father, just me struggling to work and parent and keep everything together. That’s not fair to them.”
“Georgia—”
“And I refuse to go back to Calvin just because of a baby.” The words burst out. “I won’t be with someone out of obligation. I won’t trap him or trap myself in a relationship. I’ve seen what that looks like, and it’s miserable for everyone involved.”
“Who said anything about going back to him?”
I take a deep breath. “No one,” I admit.
But there is a part of me that hasn’t let him go, that keeps trying to convince me to text him.
She takes my hand. “You’re pregnant. And you might not want to hear this, but Calvin deserves to know. Not because you owe him a relationship, but because it’s his child too. He should have the chance to decide what role he wants to play.”
“I know,” I whisper.
