“I think they have a sense of accomplishment,” Bella said, trying to consider how Loran and her brother would feel when facing the end of their career. “They set a huge goal and accomplished it. That’s got to be worth something, right?”
“As long as the memories they have are enough. Because in the end that’s all they’ll have. If they lived every day of their careers soaking up every minute of it, living in the moment and giving it all they had, then it will have been time well spent.”
Bella knew this could just as easily apply to her own life and career. She rarely took time to appreciate her accomplishments at the completion of a project before she moved on to the next one.
“As opposed to?”
“Chasing the next victory or championship. Moaning and complaining because this season hadn’t been as good as last or because their contract didn’t get renewed.”
“I guess that’s what most people do, isn’t it? Instead of appreciating how good life is, they focus on the few things that might be going wrong for them.”
Stella regarded her carefully before she said, “I’m guessing you’re guilty of that too.”
“I suppose I am.”
She nodded. “I was too. I went through most of my life like that. It wasn’t until my husband died and my kids left home that I realized it though. I was truly alone with myself and my thoughts for the first time in my life and that scared me.”
Bella rarely had a spare moment in her day, a chance to just breathe or think so she could relate. “What did you learn about yourself during that time?”
“That I’d wasted all those years not being grateful for the gifts I’d been given. My husband, my kids, my career as a teacher, those were blessings and I’d never expressed gratitude for them. Not out loud anyways. After I realized that everything changed. I changed.”
She watched Stella take another delicate bite before she asked, “How did you change?” She never expected this visit to result in a talk that would shift her own perspective about life, but seeing things through Stella’s eyes made her think about all the days she’d already wasted complaining when she should have been praising.
“I started telling the people in my life how much they meant to me. I started being kinder, more understanding, more forgiving, looking for ways to give back any way I could.”
“Sounds like a powerful way to live.” Bella wondered how her own life would change if she adopted some of those principles. She was ashamed to admit up to this point she’d been pretty self-absorbed.
“You have no idea.” Stella set the rest of her sandwich aside before taking a sip of water. “When you start living for other people instead of yourself it takes you out of your own head. Your problems start to seem insignificant when you realize other people have bigger problems.”
Perhaps that’s why Loran told her about this place. Because he wanted her to learn that lesson too. If that had been his intent she owed him a debt of gratitude because she didn’t know how long it would have taken for her to learn it on her own.
“We go through life chasing goals,” Stella continued. “Most young people do. I know I was guilty of it. First academic achievements, then landing a job, a promotion, a spouse, kids, the big houses and fancy cars.” She blew out a breath before a coughing spasm rattled her.
“Are you okay?” Bella asked, fearing the answer. “Should I call a nurse or—”
“No, no,” she said, waving her off. “I’m just fine. Don’t you worry about me.”
But Bella knew that she would. Now that she’d met Stella she knew she’d never forget her… or her words of wisdom.
“We’re so busy running on that damn treadmill we don’t even realize we’re not getting anywhere. Not really.”
It seemed apropos to Bella in that moment: a treadmill as a metaphor for life.
“But it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“It doesn’t?” As confused as she was, Bella couldn’t help but feel clarity was within reach.
Stella reached in to the pocket of her wheelchair and took out a pretty pink book with flowers and butterflies. “This is a blank journal. Loran gave it to me.”
“It’s lovely,” Bella said, smiling.
“I want you to have it.”
“No, I couldn’t.”
She pursed her thin lips before thrusting it into Bella’s hands. “You can and you will.”
“But I told you I’ve never journaled before. I wouldn’t know what to write.” That seemed to require a level of self-exploration she’d never been comfortable with.
“Write about what makes you happy, what you’re grateful for.” Stella smiled when she slipped the book into her purse. “Don’t write about your complaints or your fears. There will be time for that later, if you choose. Right now what you need is clarity.”
“How do you know that?” Bella asked, wondering if this old woman had some strange psychic power.
“I suspect you’re like most people.” She patted Bella’s hand. “Unable to see what’s right in front of you because you’re too busy focusing on the wrong things.”
Bella suspected they were talking about Loran now, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. “And you think this journal will help me to start focusing on the right things?”
She tapped her own heart. “It will help you uncover what’s in here, sweet girl.”
