“We had a good talk,” I said, curling my hand around the steering wheel. I was itching to touch her. To link her fingers through mine or rest my hand on her leg, but after her soft-spoken words in my office, I didn’t think I had the right to touch her. “Underneath that gruff exterior he’s a really nice guy.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you got to see that side of him. Not many people do.”
I respected that he’d dropped the tough guy façade and been real with me. He opened up because, as he put it, he expected me to be straight with him.
“I didn’t expect that,” I said, lowering the volume when one of my songs came on the radio. “Actually developing a connection with your old man. Knox always told me how great he was. But I knew Chee had a lot of pre-conceived ideas about me. Says a lot about him that he could look past that and give me a chance.”
“I’m glad he did,” she said, reaching across the center console to rest her hand on my thigh. “You’re a great guy. And I’m glad he can finally see that.” She smiled. “Not that it matters to me what my parents think of you. I like you. That’s all that matters to me.”
“Me too.” I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said before you left the house tonight.”
She nodded. “I meant what I said, Dade. I can’t settle for less than I deserve ever again.” She looked out the window, even though we were engulfed in darkness. “I’ve learned a lot these past few years. About myself, through my relationships, and I finally understand what it’s gonna take to makemehappy.”
I thought about Chee’s comments about lessons learned. Maybe he was right. Maybe my past relationships had been necessary, so I could learn what I really needed and wanted in a partner. Isn’t that essentially what Charli was saying? Her mistakes gave her clarity.
“You shouldn’t have to settle.” I didn’t want her to settle. I wanted her to have everything she deserved. I just wished I could be certain I was the guy who could give it to her.
“Tell me about your interview,” she said, squeezing my leg. “Did they give you a hard time… about us?”
There wasn’t supposed to be anus. I was supposed to be denying that there was anyone special in my life, to avoid the shitstorm of more speculation, but when I tried to deny Charli the words got stuck in my throat.
My manager called after listening to the live radio interview and wanted to know why I hadn’t flat out denied there was anything between me and Charli, instead of laughing off the question and re-directing the conversation back to my new single.
I couldn’t answer him. I just knew that if Charli heard the interview later she might feel sad that I’d acted like she meant nothing to me and I couldn’t risk hurting her like that. In the end, sparing her feelings meant more to me than taking the easy road.
“He asked about us,” I said, closing my hand over hers. “I didn’t want to say too much.” I stole a glance at her. “I really don’t want you to get dragged into my crazy, any more than you already have been.”
She shrugged. “I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”
She thought she could handle it, but she’d barely had a taste of how relentless they could be. My last break-up warranted extra security for myself and my ex because the rag reporters followed us everywhere for weeks, trying to prove that some stupid love triangle had been the cause of our split.
“I don’t want your life to be more complicated because of me.” Thinking how honest I’d been with her old man, I decided I needed to be just as real with her. “I want to make you happy, Charli. Sounds like you’ve had too many guys make you miserable.”
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her purse to glance at her screen. “Max. I’ll text him back later.”
I tensed at the mention of his name. He seemed like a decent guy, but there was no doubt in my mind that he wanted Charli. He might be a better fit for her than I was. His life was simple. He could give her so much more time and attention than I could, but that didn’t mean I’d step aside so she could explore something with him. I wasn’t that selfless.
“The guys in my life,” she said, looking at me, “made me miserable because I let them. I’m not proud to admit it, but I gave them too much power to make me happy. Or sad. Now I realize that I’m responsible for making myself happy. I can’t put that kind of pressure on another person. It’s not fair.”
Her emotional maturity continued to surprise me. She was younger than any of my exes but seemed to have lived a lot more life than they had. Or she just had a lot more insight into her own heart and mind.
“But isn’t that what relationships are about?” I asked, waving to the guard at the gatehouse as I turned into my winding drive. “Making each other happy?”
I veered off the main driveway to the shorter path leading to the guest house and took my seat belt off, turning to face her. I wasn’t finished talking. And time with her felt precious, like I could never get enough.
She removed her seat belt and shifted so we were facing each other. Curling her other hand over mine, she looked down, toying with the onyx and diamond ring on my finger. “I used to think that too,” she said. “That I was somehow responsible for my boyfriend’s happiness. Then I’d feel guilty if he wasn’t happy, like I was doing something wrong.” She looked into my eyes. “Like maybe I wasn’t enough.”
“You’re more than enough,” I whispered fiercely. “No matter what happens with us, Charli. Don’t ever let another guy make you question that.”
Her smile was faint when she nodded. “I know.”
There was a quiet strength about her, like she knew herself better than most. Like maybe she’d found some internal peace that eluded other people. And I wanted to get close enough to allow her certainty to rub off on me.
I leaned in, testing the waters with a kiss. Her earlier words came back to me as I kept questioning whether I could be the man to fight for her. God, I wanted to be. But I didn’t know if I had the energy left for that kind of battle.
She palmed my cheek as she deepened the kiss. I knew we were inching closer to the point of no return, but I couldn’t hold back. Every day I spent with her only made me want her more.
She moaned into my mouth before pulling back, her forehead resting against mine. “This is probably where I should tell you to go home, right? That I’ll see you in the morning?”
