“We’ve already fought, Codie.” He chuckled. “That night at the hotel, about Austin, and I didn’t have a drink. I wanted to, but I didn’t.”
He made a good point. “But it’s more than that. I have to think about myself too, my own sobriety, and my… life.”
“How would being friends with me have a negative impact on your life?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth, that I was afraid I still had feelings for him, so I said, “It’s never a good idea to go back. I’m always trying to move forward, and truth be told, I didn’t like the girl I was when we dated.”
“Give me a break. We were both kids then. We didn’t know shit about life. Now we’re older, more mature, we’ve been through stuff.”
“We sure as hell have, and I don’t want to go through any more with you.” I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arm around them. “Some people just aren’t good for us. You’re not good for me, and I’m not good for you.”
“Really? Because ever since you walked back into my life, I’ve wanted to be a better man.”
Ugh. Why did those words stir something inside of me? “You can’t get sober for me, or anyone else. You have to do this for yourself. You have to fix yourself, and your relationship with yourself, before you’ll ever be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.”
My sister was starting to rub off on me. But it was more than that. It was years of working the program, where self-love became a way of life.
“I’m not talking about a romantic relationship,” he said, sounding frustrated. “I know that’s frowned upon for the first year of sobriety and I’m gonna try real hard to honour that. I just wanna be your friend again. Can’t we try that?”
Being friends with Mav was dangerous. Even more so because I wanted to take him up on his offer and try to have a relationship with him that didn’t revolve around sex, for once. But I couldn’t. I had to put myself and my own well-being first. And I was still too attracted to him. I still cared too much about him, to trust that things could remain platonic.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“Codie, please.”
I’d always been a sucker for his begging… but I wasn’t a sucker anymore. I prided myself on being a strong, confident woman who knew her own mind and couldn’t be swayed now. “Sorry, this is just the way it has to be. For your sake, and for mine.”
“Wait, can you still come to the show in Montgomery?” When I didn’t respond right away, he said, “And I was serious about getting you to re-do these tattoos when I get back to Nashville. Can I send you the pics?”
Business was business, and he wouldn’t be the first ex I’d inked. “Sure, send them to me. I’ll have a look and see what I can come up with. I’m usually booked up a few months in advance, so if you want to book a date now, for the end of your tour, we can do that.”
“Great. And about Montgomery?”
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to Amanda about it yet. Today was pretty crazy at the shop.”
“But you’ll ask her?”
How could I not? I knew how upset she’d been when we had to leave the concert early. “Sure, I’ll ask her.”
“Perfect, just call and let me know. We always reserve some tickets for friends and family who want to catch a show at the last minute.”
“Cool, thanks for the offer. I should get going. It’s getting late and I’ve got a full day tomorrow.”
“Ok.” He hesitated. “Thanks for talking to me tonight. I really needed to hear your voice, to remind myself there’s a reason I’m doing this thing.”
“The reason is simple, so you can have the life you’ve always wanted, Mav. You’re finally getting your big break in music. With that comes respect and financial stability and everything you’ve ever wanted. You can’t let the bottle take that away from you. It’s not worth it.”
“No, it’s not. But the life I’ve always wanted is about so much more than that. I want someone…” He cleared his throat. “I want someone to love me, Codie. Someone to love me the way you used to.”
I closed my eyes, trying to keep his words from penetrating my heart, but it was too damn late. “And I hope you find her.”Liar.“When the time is right, and you feel stronger.”
“Timing really is everything, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“If we’d met for the first time now, without all the bad history, you think maybe we could make it work?”
“I don’t know. I told you, I don’t like to look back. Up and onward, right?”
