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Your tone of voice is very important if you plan on improvising while you whisper softly in her ear. If you dial-in your voice tone, you can recite your grocery list and she will cream herself. Instead of the grocery list though, describe in vivid detail how she smells, how her pussy feels, or how she makes you feel.
3] Reading Erotica to Her
Starting with someone else’s words can feel safer than trying to create your own. Pick something from below and read it aloud to her to see how she responds. If she shows preference for a particular story, make a mental bookmark to incorporate a role-play or narrate a dirty version of it in the near future.
Try: Delta of Venus, The Erotic Edge, Sweet Confessions: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, anything by Rachel Kramer Bussel or Cherise Sinclair
No, I haven’t read any of the above, but I did ask some female friends.
4] Compliments and Praising Her Body
Tell her your favorite body parts, why you love them, and/or how they make you feel as you kiss or caress them. Tell her you love how she smells and what her sweet scent reminds you of. Pay attention to her reactions.
Compliments can serve as an old stand-by when things get stale because they are always effective due to being specifically tailored to her. Direct compliments delivered via dirty talk let her know that she is sexy as hell, beautiful, and appreciated by you.
Only do this one if you know she’s not very self-conscious and you actually love her body. If she is overweight and self-conscious for example, you saying “Your body is hot as fuck” will only be perceived as a lie and incongruent within her reality.
It goes without saying to never overuse compliments, they will lose their effectiveness and she will perceive your use of them to be inauthentic. It’s no longer about you appreciating her body, but only trying to get a response out of her as if she were an orgasmic robot in a video game.
Calibration
As discussed in nearly every sex book on the planet, different women like different things. It goes without saying that not all women then will like your dirty talk. A woman’s mood and preferences must be taken into consideration if you want effective use of your bedroom language.
The most important thing is to pay attention. Simple as that. Honing adept awareness allows you to adjust your dirty talk efficiently. Get a sense for what type of dirty talk your lady (or ladies) likes and how far she is willing to go right now by paying attention to her verbal and nonverbal signals.
5 Keys to Successful Calibration
1] Use Language You Are Comfortable With Then Work Your Way to Dirtier Language
The key is to use language that is congruent for you AND that she responds to. Sometimes both of those are mutually exclusive. If you read something that sounds like something you wouldn't say (and she knows it) then rephrase it to the language you use. However, don’t puss out and not experiment with dirtier words at all.
You can add in more explicit words once you gain more confidence as your beliefs change. You can always work up to being more explicit. Never be afraid to try out a new word in fear of it backfiring. The only way out of situations like that is to go through them and learn from your mistakes.
2] Some Like It Sweet, Some Like It Filthier
How can you tell? First, give her commands and gauge her response. If she follows your commands and acts submissively without any verbal or nonverbal disagreement then you can try dirtier language as she becomes more aroused. Also, pay attention to the words she uses and say them back to her.
3] Start Slow and Get Dirtier as She Becomes More Aroused
Begin slowly and gradually build her sexual arousal using anticipation and teasing. Start with just sensual descriptions. As her arousal and sexual tension increases, slightly ramp up to dirtier words and phrases. You can say anything you like honestly, just make sure it is with a confident tone. Keep in mind that your idea of dirty may be filthier than hers though. If she doesn’t respond to your filthier language, it doesn’t mean she hates it. She could be uncomfortable saying those words out loud or your timing was off (meaning you didn’t match your language to her level of arousal).
Right before she has an orgasm is when she is most receptive to the dirtiest words. That pre-orgasmic trance is a wonderful place, and dirty talk is steroids for it. That space is useful in many ways. We will explore how to leverage it later. Pre/peri-orgasm is your chance to drop the dirtiest bombs you have to make her explode in ecstasy…the dirtier the better for most women.
If you feel really uncomfortable with verbal interactions then start with sending text messages or emails to her about what you plan to do to her the next time you see her. Begin with sensual descriptions as she is probably not ready for the dirtier messages just yet.
To be honest, the dirty talk continuum of sweet to neutral to nasty does not exist. You can modulate your vocal tonality to have the intention of “dirty” as you say something “sweet” or vice versa. It all depends on your intention and voice tonality. Given that, our brains do tend to associate (or default to a certain interpretation) certain words and phrases as “sweet” or “nasty.”
4] Utilize Variety
Hopefully, you don’t have sex the exact same way every time or do the same positions/acts. Hopefully you change things up and know dirty talking is not excluded from this unspoken rule.
Change up how often you talk dirty, when you talk dirty, and how dirty your language is. Sometimes whisper sweetness in her ear and other times dominate her while giving your dirtiest. There is no secret here; you just have to try things out. Bomb and recover well. Learn from your mistakes and you will learn how to mix things up in ways that powerfully stimulate her with your flavors of dirty talk.
5] Pay Attention to Her Signals to Interpret Them
Pay attention to how she responds, especially if you haven’t done this before. If she ups the filth, you know that you can as well. If she is more conservative with her sounds and gestures, then most likely that is what she is comfortable with at the moment. Often, women aren’t direct about what they like and dislike in bed, so that is why paying attention to her sounds and gestures is crucial.
Remember that she is on your team and not going to hold grudge if your dirty talk is a bit rusty in the beginning. At all times, you need to make a note of what arouses her and what doesn’t, hence the importance of paying attention. You want your words to have a blissfully arousing effect on her.
