I knew exactly the instant he was talking about. It was that colorless moment, like the blood had left him and gave him an almost haunted look.
“You even told me you thought Merrick would try something underhanded,” he added. “I should have listened.”
I held his gaze, dredged in memories of watching Merrick work the fields with Father. I chased after them but never quite caught up. It seemed Merrick moved faster or goaded the horse on to keep distance forever between us. He'd been determined to be rid of me then and ever since.
“I won’t make that mistake again,” Kit said while I struggled to listen. “No more lingering in town; no more going out alone. We go to the forge, then come back here. Always together. Tell Rosie she can come here for baking lessons. I’ll buy whatever supplies you need.”
He stepped back and began pacing the kitchen floor, talking more to himself than me.
“Keep your knife close at hand. If Merrick approaches you, or Harlan, or Otis, walk the other way.” He drew up short and faced me. “Don’t confront him about this, Penny. It’s too dangerous. I don’t know what lengths he’ll go to?—”
“For how long?” I asked, feeling weary.
Kit blinked. “What?”
I drew a deep breath, aggravating the tickle that seemed perpetually trapped in my lungs. “How long are we going to carry on like that? Scurrying around like mice avoiding some awful trap?”
Aggravation rippled across Kit’s features as he readied a hasty reply. It didn’t come, though.Iwas more inclined to snappy comebacks and sharp retorts. Kit simmered. He considered, then responded in a measured tone.
“As long as it takes.”
For as long as he’d paused, I didn’t hesitate at all. “No.”
“What do you mean no?”
I set my stance. “I meanno, Kit. Because Merrick isn’t a trap; he’s a cat, and he’ll come after us. He’ll hunt us no matter where or how we hide, so I don’t intend to. I won’t live like I’m afraid of him?—”
“Iamafraid, Pen!” Kit surged forward, catching my hands and holding them with white-knuckled fingers. “Of Merrick. Of Harlan. Of every godsdamned thing. I have something I can’t afford to lose…” He looked down, then up again, so tense I thought he might tremble. “Coming back here, I risked myself, and I was fine with that. But not you. I won’t risk you.”
I had riskedhim. Unintentionally. Unknowingly. I hadn’t loved him yet when I asked him to bring me here. If I had, I would have known that retrieving my father’s corpse wasn’t worth causing this darling man to suffer for even a day. I’d given us both to a lost cause, and now something much more nefarious towered over us. The danger that had lurked my whole life was rapidly closing in.
“Merrick wouldn’t bother you at all if not for me,” I said.
Kit thumbed over my scarred skin. “We can’t be sure of that. He was close with my father. He has other reasons to spite me.”
I nodded and glanced aside until Kit hooked a finger under my chin and turned my face back toward his.
“Listen to me, Pen. I promised to keep you safe, and that hasn’t changed. Nothing will happen to you as long as I’m here.”
His dark eyes were rife with such sincerity that I wanted to believe him. He needed me to; I could tell from how hard he stared, silently begging me to take him at his word. But I couldn’t, because I’d seen how readily he threw himself into danger for my sake. If he died and I survived, he would consider it a triumph. I couldn’t fathom a greater loss.
“What ifyou’renot?” I asked. “What if the next time Levitt summons you, it’s to your death? It can’t always be as simple aspoison. Ithasn’tbeen. Merrick has tried to convict you of other things.”
Kit heaved a breath, and his gaze fell. When he spoke again, it was in a murmur. “If that happens, you need to leave. The moment you get word, go get your mother and sister and take them to Forstford. To my house. The farm will be forfeit, but you’ll be safe.”
I nodded. “And you’ll be dead. Is that it?”
His jaw clenched. “I’ll come for you if I can, and we can have a life together.”
Envisioning myself returning to Eastcliff, thoroughly beaten and alone, dragging Mother and Sayla away from their home and retreating to Kit’s house without him, then living there in his absence, knowing he was gone, stirred me to sickness. He said if he could follow, he would, but that was purely pacification.
Shaking my head, I slipped free of him, then crossed my arms to keep him from catching me up again. “If you’re staying,I’mstaying.” I fixed him with a knowing look. “Youdoplan to stay, don’t you?”
Kit took hold of the nearby chair back and leaned heavily against it. He pondered for a moment, always so careful, before he answered. “My father made this place what it is. I watched that happen, and it’s followed me ever since. It willalwaysfollow me as long as the Bone Men exist. I thought Levitt could take things in a different direction, but I can't trust him not to be as bad as the rest of them anymore. I'm the last line of defense. I have to destroy this or I'll have no peace.”
“We'rethe last line of defense,” I corrected. “The two of us. Together.”
His stern expression gave way to a fragile smile, and he dipped his head in a nod.
