But there was everything wrong with it, wasn’t there? I was supposed to be the responsible one, the voice of reason. Instead, I’d let my desire for Cash override every bit of common sense I possessed. And now he was gone, probably convinced that I’d choose my career over him when push came to shove.
The worst part was, I wasn’t sure he was wrong to think that. We’d tried to keep things casual. When that didn’t work, we kept it secret. I’d given him no indication that I was willing to be publicly his and the town pastor at the same time.
“I need to go to the ranch,” I said suddenly. “He might go there. It’s where he always goes when he’s hurting.”
Brooks shook his head. “Mike, I don’t think?—”
“I have to try,” I interrupted. “I can’t just let him disappear. Not like this. Not when he thinks... when he thinks I’m going to abandon him too.”
The drive to Cash’s ranch felt like the longest twenty minutes of my life. My hands gripped the church van steering wheel so tight my knuckles were white, and I kept checking my phone every few seconds, hoping for a text or missed call that never came.
When I pulled up to the property, my heart sank. No truck. No sign of him anywhere.
I got out anyway, walking through the debris field that had once been his childhood home. The moonlight cast eerie shadows across the scattered remains, making everything look even more desolate than usual. I called his name, my voice echoing in the emptiness, but there was no response.
Standing there among the ruins of his past, I felt the full weight of what had just happened crash down on me. This wasn’t just about getting caught in a compromising position. This was about Cash facing his worst nightmare of being exposed, humiliated, and blamed for corrupting someone else. Just like what had happened with Tyler Blackburn all those years ago.
I pulled out my phone and tried calling him again, pacing through the wreckage as it rang endlessly before going to voicemail. The sound of my own breathing seemed unnaturally loud in the stillness.
“Cash, it’s me again,” I said after the beep, my voice hoarse. “I’m at the ranch. I know you’re not here, but... I needed to see it. To understand.” I kicked at a piece of charred wood, watching it skitter across the foundation. “That woman, Doreen, she was wrong. About everything. You didn’t ruin Tyler, and you’re not ruining me. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to this godforsaken town.”
I ended the call and immediately dialed again. This time it went straight to voicemail without ringing. He’d turned his phone off.
The smart thing would be to go home, give him space to cool down, try again in the morning. But the thought of Cash driving through the night, convinced that I’d choose my reputation over him, made my chest feel like it was caving in. I’d seen the look in his eyes when Doreen had pointed her finger at him. Pure shame, like he believed every word she’d spat at him.
I climbed back into the van and started driving, not really sure where I was going. The county roads stretched out in front of me, empty and dark. He could be anywhere by now. Hell, he could already be halfway to Oklahoma or New Mexico, putting as much distance as possible between himself and Sagebrush.
My phone rang, and I nearly swerved off the road grabbing for it. But it wasn’t Cash’s name on the screen.
“Brooks?” I answered, my voice tight with hope.
“Any sign of him?”
“No. His phone’s off now.” I pulled over to the side of the road, suddenly exhausted. “I fucked up, Brooks. I should have stood up for him back there. Should have told that woman to go to hell.”
“You were in shock,” Brooks said gently. “We all were. Doreen blindsided everyone with that bullshit.”
“That’s not an excuse.” I rubbed my eyes with my free hand, feeling the weight of my failure settling over me like a blanket. “He needed me to choose him in that moment, and I froze.”
There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. Then Brooks spoke, his voice careful. “Mike, I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be honest. When push comes to shove, when the church board gets wind of this and starts making noise, what are you gonna do?”
The question hit me like a physical blow. Because it was the same question Cash was probably asking himself right now, alone in his truck somewhere in the darkness. And if I was being completely honest, I didn’t know the answer.
“I...” I started, then stopped. What could I say? That I’d choose Cash over my calling? That I’d throw away everything I’d worked for, everything I believed God had called me to do? But the alternative was losing the man I was falling in love with, and that felt just as impossible.
“That’s what I thought,” Brooks said quietly, not unkindly. “And that’s probably what Cash is thinking too.” He let out a long sigh. “That’s something you need to figure out. Once you do that, then you can give Cash an honest answer.”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “I know.”
I hung up and sat there on the side of the dark country road, staring at my phone like it might magically produce the answers I needed. Brooks was right, and that was the hell of it. Cash had run because he knew exactly what choice I’d make when it came down to it. He’d seen it in my face back there, the way I’d frozen when Doreen had started her tirade. The way I’d stood there like a deer in headlights instead of defending him.
My phone buzzed with a text from Dolly.
Dolly: Fundraiser’s winding down. Most folks have cleared out. You okay, sugar?
I stared at the message for a long moment before typing back.
Me: Not really. But I will be.
