It was a lie, but it was easier than explaining that I felt like my world was falling apart. I started the van and began the long drive back to town, my mind churning over everything that had happened. The way Cash had looked at me in that alley, like I was everything he’d ever wanted. The way he’d sung karaoke earlier, finally looking like he belonged somewhere. And then Doreen’s venom, stripping all of that away in an instant.
By the time I got back to the parsonage, it was nearly midnight. The house felt impossibly empty without Cash’s presence. I walked through the rooms we’d shared, seeing evidence of him everywhere. His coffee mug in the sink. And that letter from his father on the kitchen table that he’d read over and over again.
I picked up the letter, turning it over in my palm. He’d told me about finding it, about how the letter that had suggested Cash would find someone special someday. Someone special enough to give his mother’s ring to.
The thought made my chest ache. Had Cash been thinking about that when he’d left it here? Had he been imagining a future where we could be open about what we meant to each other? A future where we were more than just lovers?
I set the letter back down and pulled out my phone, trying his number one more time. It went straight to voicemail again.
“Cash,” I said, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. “I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but I need you to know something. What happened tonight... it doesn’t change how I feel about you. It doesn’t change anything between us. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not giving up on this. On us.”
I paused, struggling to find the right words. “I know I froze back there. I know I should have done more to defend you. But I was scared and caught off guard, and I’m sorry. You deserved better from me in that moment.” My voice cracked slightly. “Please don’t let hateful people win. Don’t let them drive you away from the life you were starting to build here. Come home, Cash. Please.” I paused. “I… I love you.”
I ended the call and set the phone on the nightstand, then lay back on the bed still fully clothed. The ceiling stared back at me, offering no answers. Tomorrow I’d have to face the fallout. There would be phone calls, meetings, probably a formal complaint filed with the denominational office. My career was likely over, at least here in Sagebrush.
But lying there in the dark, breathing in the faint scent of Cash’s cologne that still clung to the pillows, I realized something that should have terrified me but somehow didn’t. I didn’t care about my career anymore. Not if it meant losing him.
I loved Cash Callahan, and I just hoped it wasn’t too late to get him back.
Chapter 27
Cash
Iwasn’t sure where I was going when I got into my truck. The only things echoing inside my head were Doreen’s words.
You ruined my Tyler. Ruined him! He left home because of you!
My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel, muscle memory taking over as I drove through the dark streets of Sagebrush. I’d been seventeen the last time someone had looked at me with that much hatred, that much disgust. The night my father had found Tyler and me together in the barn, tangled up in the hay like we had every right to be there.
I could still see Tyler’s face that night. The way he’d gone pale as death when we heard footsteps, the way he’d scrambled for his clothes like his life depended on it. Because it had, in a way. Both our lives had depended on keeping that secret, and we’d failed spectacularly.
The headlights of my truck cut through the darkness as I found myself on the county road leading out of town. I wasn’t consciously choosing a direction, just driving away from the scene of my latest public humiliation. Away from Mike’s stricken face and the whispers that would follow me until the day I died.
When are you going to stop ruining everything in this town, Cash Callahan?
Doreen was right, wasn’t she? I’d ruined Tyler’s relationship with his family. I’d corrupted their golden boy, their future rancher, their straight-A student who was supposed to marry a nice girl and give them grandchildren. Instead, according to Doreen, he’d left town the day after graduation and never looked back. I certainly had never heard from him again and it seemed like nobody in Sagebrush had either. I’d destroyed his life here.
And now I’d done it again. This time to Mike.
My phone buzzed somewhere in the truck, probably on the passenger seat where I’d thrown it. I ignored it. I knew it would be Mike, and I couldn’t handle hearing his voice right now. Couldn’t handle whatever excuse or apology he might offer. Because the truth was, I’d seen it in his face back there. The moment Doreen had started her tirade, Mike had looked like a man caught between two worlds. And I knew which one he’d choose when push came to shove.
He was a pastor. A good man with a calling and a future in the church. I was just a fuck-up with daddy issues and a talent for destroying everything I touched. The math wasn’t complicated.
The phone buzzed again, then again. I reached over and turned it off without looking at it, tossing it back onto the seat with more force than necessary. Whatever Mike had to say, I didn’t want to hear it. Not when I could still see the shame in his eyes, the way he’d frozen instead of defending me.
Just like Tyler had frozen that night in the barn.
The road stretched out ahead of me, empty and dark. I could keep driving. Hit the interstate and just go. Leave Sagebrush in my rearview mirror for the second time in my life and never come back. There was nothing holding me here anyway. The ranch was a pile of rubble, my father was dead, and the man I’dstupidly started to care about had just learned exactly what it cost to be associated with Cash Callahan.
But even as I thought it, I found myself slowing down. Not stopping, just...slowing. Because somewhere in the back of my mind, I could hear my father’s voice from that letter.The land needs someone who cares about it. And maybe you need the land too.
I pulled over to the side of the road and sat there in the cab of my truck, engine idling, staring out at the darkness. The smart thing would be to keep driving. Cut my losses and start over somewhere else, somewhere nobody knew my name or my history. I’d done it before. I could do it again.
But the thought of leaving Mike behind felt like a knife twisting in my gut.
I’d told him about Tyler. Sort of. But I’d never explained why I’d been so terrified of anyone finding out about us. He probably thought I was just ashamed of him or embarrassed about who I was. He had no idea that every time we’d touched, every time we’d been together, I’d been waiting for this exact moment. The moment when someone would point their finger at me and remind everyone exactly what I was.
A corruptor. A ruiner of good men.
