But this was wrong. I regretted it as soon as the post went live.
Mabel has been texting me over the past few days saying Meredith hasn’t spoken a word to her, even though she’s tried explaining nothing happened other than talking about Carlton’s personal problems with him. I’ve seen the proof of Meredith’s turmoil at school. She’s nowhere to be found at lunch, and during homeroom she sits as far away from Carlton as possible,arms crossed like armor. And the worst part? Meredith finally started talking to me again this year.
After everything with Carlton last fall, I thought I’d lost her for good. Now I might be the reason she loses her sister?
This is all my fault.
I just wanted to protect her from being hurt by Carlton. But now I realize it was never my job to expose my suspicions. Definitely not anonymously.
Maybe if I’d gone to her face-to-face, things wouldn’t have gone as badly as I feared. Or better yet, I should have minded my own business and let the truth come to light on its own.
The truth smacks me in the face.
I’m no better than the last Little Birdie. And I might not even be a good friend anymore.
Lunch is its own kind of torture over the next few weeks. The cafeteria feels way too bright and loud, like the fluorescent lights are determined to expose every flaw in my character when all I want to do is retreat somewhere I can hide in shame for what I did.
To make myself feel a little better, I post a few good things, for once. I call out someone who's being a bully in one post, which leads to him getting detention, to my surprise. Apparently, the staff here is more aware of the gossip app than I thought. I also post about a girl in my math class who keeps copying another student’s answers during tests, and sharing them with her friends. The next time I’m in class, she’s in a new seat across the room from her friends and the girl she kept copying.
It feels good to have made a difference, but it feels worse knowing I could have been doing stuff like this all along instead of what I was actually posting. I’d probably stop posting altogether if doing so wouldn’t result in my identity being exposed for missing my deadlines.
On Wednesday, I pick at my sandwich while Carlton sits in stiff silence across the table, jaw clenched, shoulders squared like he’s in emotional timeout. Dot and Zayne try to keep the vibe light and friendly, and I love them for it. But still, Meredith doesn’t show her face in the cafeteria.
Ezra sits next to me, and his knees bump mine beneath the table. Normally that would short-circuit my entire nervous system, but today, guilt swallows every other emotion.
He nudges my shoulder lightly.
“You okay?”
I force my spine straight. “Yep.”
“Rue.” His voice drops low enough that the others can’t hear. “You’ve barely said a word all week.”
“I just haven’t been sleeping well.”
And it’s true, at least. I spent most of last night staring at the ceiling, trying not to cry, praying for forgiveness, and asking for a sign or a sense of direction.
Instead, all I got was silence.
Or maybe the silence was the direction.
Ezra studies my face, worry etching lines between his brows. “Is it something I did?”
“No.” My voice cracks, and I have to clear my throat. “It’s not you.”
He nods slowly but doesn’t look convinced.
When the bell rings, I practically bolt out of my seat. Ezra hurries after me.
“Rue, wait.” He steps closer, lowering his voice. “Talk to me after school about what’s going on. I know there’s something. I’ll drive you home, or wherever you want to go.”
My heart feels like it’s been soaked in shame and wrung out like a sponge. I shouldn’t say yes, but I nod.
His shoulders drop in relief. “Okay. Good.”
After school, Ezra waits for me at his car, as promised. Even in the midst of my despair, the way he leans against the passenger side door with his hands in his pockets makes something soft and traitorous stir in my chest. His curls fall over his forehead, and his practice jersey peeks out beneath his hoodie.
The drive is quiet, and not even the comfortable kind. It’s the kind of quiet that only emphasizes my pounding heart.
