“Why a stick? You used that expression several times in the last month, but I swear you never used it once in your life before Rosings.”
Elizabeth sighed, searched her mind for the number of times she had used the expression, and was surprised by its frequency.
“I confess, I had it from Mr Darcy, who had it from a tenant. We theorise that a stick is the right compromise between a willow switch and a rock. He said… that if he could go back intime to the Meryton Assembly, he would beat his younger self with a stick.”
Jane laughed gaily. “You seem to have acquired many things from your time at Rosings.”
“I suppose so. We also have Anne. Can you believe I at first thought you two did not like each other? You have been like two peas in a pod. I imagine she disclosed the two-people-in-a-mirror story.”
“Not all of it… only the lesson.”
Elizabeth sighed, but brightened. “Let me tell you another thing I acquired with Anne. We have a rule for questions. When people try to distract from answering a question by asking another, we put the original question in reserve and eventually work our way back to demanding an answer.”
Jane smiled. “I have no objection to answering. Yes, I love my groom more than I can possibly describe. Something fundamental has shifted inside me.”
Elizabeth studied their joined reflections. “What is it like?”
Jane considered a moment, as if to get the right answer, or at least identify the right question. “What is it you want? Do you want to know what it is like after the transition, before, or during?”
“All of it, of course. We have an hour.”
Jane laughed at the sheer lunacy of reducing her roiling thoughts and emotions to a mere hour, sat a minute in thought, and began. “Do you remember when we watched the dam fail at the Palmerston farm?”
“I remember Papa’s thrashing after we watched it.” Elizabeth laughed. “You would almost think we were in some danger.”
Jane chuckled; she remembered the experience very differently. She had been terrified, while Elizabeth was thrilled.At the time, Jane considered their position beneath a tall oak a few hundred yards from a failing dam, and decided to allow her sister the thrill, despite her own fears.
“You remember that a small section fell out of the top first, and water started rushing through. It ate away at the earth, and each time it carried more away, the tear grew bigger and bigger.”
“It is called a cascade. The rate of erosion increases with each increase in the flow, which causes even more flow, which causes even more erosion, until the entire dam collapses. It is lucky it was not a very big one and there was not much below it to be damaged.”
“For me, falling in love was like that,” Jane replied with a wistful smile. “When you came through London, we were at the point where the dam might well have held. The water stood right at the top, but the rain was abating. You dug the first ditch across the dam with your little boxes.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You overestimate my usefulness. The dam was doomed from the start. I might have dug a trench on one side, but the other side might just as well have failed a week or two later anyway.”
Jane had no wish to argue the point again. “Whether it would have or not is unimportant. Once we passed the threshold, the water started running, and from there it gradually wore down our fear, apprehensions, and confusion. Keep in mind that I was fighting not only my abandonment bythat man, but years of Mama’s expectations and a hidden fear that I might repeat her example. That dam collapsed in less than an hour, but it might just as well have taken a week or stopped eroding altogether.”
She paused a moment. “I think for some people, the entire dam fails all at once, and for others, the flow wears it down until there is nothing left, with no big event to mark the change fromnot in lovetoin love. For us, there was just one day when webothknew.After that, it seemed like nothing would ever be the same again.”
Elizabeth smiled. “I am truly happy for you.”
“And you, Lizzy? Is the dam you furiously repair every day beginning to show signs of damage?”
Elizabeth closed her eyes to examine her feelings and give a clear answer.
At long last, she met her sister’s gaze in the mirror. “I do not know if it is doomed, but… in some ways… well… there might be a trickle of water flowing over the top, but I have no idea how strong the dam is.”
Jane smiled radiantly. “That is good news. I know it is confusing and frightening, but it is worth the turmoil. After you meet again in October, you will finally be at peace. You can worktowards love,oraway from it, but you will at least know. Until then, enjoy your summer of freedom and your trip to the Lakes. It might be your last.”
They laughed far more than the jest called for, and all was right with the world.
“May I presume to adviseyoufor once, Lizzy?”
“I would find it refreshing. Lately, everyone seems to want my interference, and it is—I am not complaining, mind you—but sometimes it is… fatiguing.”
“Sometimes a dam gets damaged, half the water flows out until it reaches a new level, and all is done. You have a dam half what it was, but it might stay half a dam forever. Do not do that, I beg of you. We once swore we would only marry for the deepest love. If you never find yourself in that state, then do not marry that particular beau. If, after a year, you find yourselfnotin love, then put the whole thing out of its misery and start anew somewhere else, older and wiser.”
Elizabeth stared down. “What if Icannot, Jane? It is my greatest fear. What if I am not capable? We both know there is somethingdifferentabout my head. Whether it isnot quite right, or merelydifferent,is a matter of conjecture, but you cannot deny the difference.”
