“I believe she did—and I am sure she could not have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful object. Indeed, Mary was slightly concerned before she arrived, but found nearly everything Lady Catherine did sensible and practical… eventually.”
“Mr Collins appears to be very fortunate in his choice of a wife.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I believe he has the absolute best wife in England. You never knew him before, so you cannot see the transformation. He is the dearest, sweetest man in the world, but he was raised by a father who was… let us say… less than ideal. I fear he probably came off as a pompous fool when he introduced himself at the ball last winter, but with the love, acceptance, and guidance of a good wife, he has… well, I cannot find the right term… flowered would be the right sentiment, but too unmanly—”
Much to her dismay, she uncharacteristically blathered on for no reason; but she should at least not compound the injury by stopping in the middle of a sentence. She finished meekly. “At any rate, both are indeed fortunate, and we could not be happier.”
What in the world would make her give so many unsolicited and unwanted details to Mr Darcy of all people?
She paused. With such a taciturn man, there was plenty of time to recover, or even for a nap.
“I apologise, sir. I seem to rattle on like my mother.”
He looked slightly uncomfortable, but was gentlemanly enough to say, “Actually, I find it refreshing. People rarely say anything real to me, so I suggest thanks are in order.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrow rose. Nobody ever said anything true to him because he did not invite such, but she could hardly saythat.
She stumbled out, “Well—”
Before she could make things even worse, he carried on, his voice nervous. “It must be very agreeable for her to be settled within so easy a distance of her own family and friends.”
“An easy distance, do you call it? It is nearly 50 miles.”
“And what is 50 miles of good road? Little more than half a day’s journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance.”
“I should never have considered the distance as one of the advantages of the match,” cried Elizabeth. “I should never have said Mrs Collins was settled near her family.”
“It is a proof of your own attachment to Hertfordshire. Anything beyond the very neighbourhood of Longbourn, I suppose, would appear far.”
Why was he so concerned with the matter, and was it possible for him to be any more condescending… or… or…
For the first time, she considered that perhaps he wasunawareof his manner. A man like that no doubt spent his entire life among his equals and was hunted for sport by mothers like hers. Perhaps he hadnever learnt, like his aunt.
It was a curious notion, and she resolved to perform a mild thought experiment. For the last few days of his visit, during the infrequent times she thought of him at all; she would, in her own mind, replace the termhaughtinesswithshyand do the same for all synonyms or other words with similar connotation. It would be interesting to see if exchanging negative adjectives for positive ones would change her opinion of the man. It seemed unlikely, but that was no reason to slouch.
Practicality reared its ugly head; she was wool-gathering and still had not answered.
“I would not call it an easy distance, though it is certainly not insurmountable. As you say, 50 miles of good road might be a trifle for a man in your situation. For those of a more plebeian nature, a seat on the post costs 1d/mile. We would go through London, which is slightly longer than your 50 miles—let us say 60. That makes a trip to Meryton and back 120 miles. She paused to verify the result.
120 nukes x 2 people = 240d, or £1
“That assumes the post, and a private coach would be more. It is unlikely they would make it in a single day, but for the sake of argument let us assume they could stay with our relatives in London at minimal cost, so we need not add lodging. Add the cost of a curate to deliver the sermon, and it would cost £1-2 altogether. As you say, it is an amount the Collins family can well afford, but not necessarily an expense they would incur regularly. With one day’s hard travel or two days' easy in each direction, you would also lose a week from your duties for a few days of visiting.”
Darcy absorbed that. “I find it fascinating that you understand finance and numbers to such a degree. It is most unusual.”
Peevish about the condescension inherent in the statement, Elizabeth snapped, “Mr Darcy, when a man praises his dog for flushing game well, or defending his home well, the praise is warranted. If you praise him excessively for getting up from the kennel and refraining from marking your boots, it is less appropriate.”
He was entirely perplexed. “I do not understand.”
Elizabeth did not understand either; she had not intended to say so much, but she was not one to back down from a challenge.
“In the past 4 months I have changed several people’s lives using the power of mathematics. Everything from cannonball trajectories to compound interest has been put to good use. Praising me for simple multiplication is—”
Thinking of trajectories, both the trajectory and velocity of the particular conversation were not auspicious. Too late to stop the cannonball; she decided to at least deflect it.
“My apologies, sir. I assume you did not come here to argue. Pray forget that entire exchange.”
He leaned forward. “I think not. I wish your manners remained unengaged long enough to finish the sentence. Since your basic goodness prevents such a thing, pray, allow me the attempt. The most proper finish to your sentence would be,‘Praising me for simple multiplication and addition is both condescending and rude.’”
