“I heard Sadie was trying to set you up with Charli.”
“Did you?”
She nodded.
Damn, it really was a small world.
“No, I’m not bringing a date.”
“If we weren’t married, would you?”
“Would I what?”
“Bring Charli to Bailey’s wedding?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She’s not you.
“Goodnight, Billie.”
Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. I knew she wanted to demand an answer from me. It bothered her that I wasn’t giving her a response. Finally, she inhaled a shaky breath and said, “Night.”
She walked upstairs, and then I leaned on the counter. I looked around the house, and everywhere I looked I saw her, I saw Billie. Not just the Billie now, but the ghost of Billie past. Her coming over to do her homework when her sisters were driving her crazy and sitting on the couch while I played videogames. Her having “family dinners” with me after she’d already had dinner with her grandparents when Cheryl my dad’s fourth wife insisted on us all eating together so I wouldn’t be alone. Her painting her nails on the fireplace so her little sisters didn’t see because if they did they’d want her to paint theirs.
Now there were new memories, more memories. How was I ever going to get her out of my system? If I weren’t even tempted to date Charli who could possibly tempt me?
How was I ever going to get over being in love with my wife?
32
BILLIE
Cole and Bailey’sbackyard wedding was the kind of event you saw on social media and assumed was a celebrity’s or staged from a curated Pinterest page, but in this case, it was just Bailey’s vision, Cole’s construction skills, and the fact that we had grown up in the wedding industry. Besides fairy and string lights, there were paper lanterns dangling from the ancient fruit trees, sourced mismatched chairs from thrift shops all over the Bay Area, and the aisle was lined with potted wildflowers in a makeshift but charming formation. Instead of a wedding arch, there was a natural oak trellis, built by Cole himself with his and Bailey’s initials on each side, covered in climbing sweet peas.
The whole affair was cozy, intimate. Maybe fifty people, if you included the kids running around with juice boxes and the neighbor’s dog, who had somehow acquired a paisley bow tie for the occasion. The guest list was family, Cole’s work crew, and a handful of the couple’s closest friends. It was perfect, and also deeply impossible not to cry at, which was something I was typically allergic to.
I never showed emotion, it was sort of a thing for me, but the moment Ruelle’sI Get to Love Youbegan to play over the lowhum of a Bluetooth speaker, and Bailey appeared, my lower lids flooded with moisture. She looked incandescent, of course, but it was less about the dress, which Birdie had, of course, designed as a one-of-a-kind, and more about the way she radiated a kind of soul-deep happiness as she walked towards the love of her life, that I’d never seen on her before. In that moment, every ounce of bitterness I’d felt over the years—over our mom’s deaths, over being saddled with too much responsibility too young, over all the ways I felt I’d failed my sisters—evaporated. This was what mattered.
“She’s so beautiful,” Birdie whispered beside me.
“She is.”
The dress was perfect. A simple satin, scoop neck, backless, fit and flare mermaid with buttons down the train. It was timeless and classic, and perfectly Bailey. I stood beside Olivia, her matron of honor, who accepted her bouquet of flowers as Bailey took her spot beside Cole.
I was barely paying attention as the officiant told everyone to be seated and the ceremony began. My eyes kept wandering to Adam, myhusband. I’d been doing my best not to think of him in those terms, but spoiler alert, I’d been failing miserably. It was all I thought about him as, today of all days especially.
Typically, at weddings, I had feelings of relief and peace because I knew I’d never be the one making the vows, but today, today all I could think about was the fact that Bailey wasn’t actually the first Bliss sister to say “I do,” I was. When I should have been concentrating on Bailey’s wedding, that was all I could think about.
My mind was clouded with our ceremony, and I wished I’d asked Adam to see the video. Had he kept the video? Had he watched the video?
No. Stop.I forced myself to focus in.
“And now, in the exchanging of vows, Bailey and Cole will express their love and promises in their own words.”
Bailey spoke first. “Cole, before you, I didn’t know love could feel like both peace and adventure at the same time. The first time I saw you, my soul recognized something steady, something real, before I even understood why. And every day since, you’ve shown me exactly who you are, a man of strength, of kindness, of integrity, of quiet courage. The kind of man who doesn’t just speak about love, he lives it.
