“That’s her name.”
“Sophie is the queen,” I say as I look down at the baby in my arms. “Thomas James?”
Effy nods, her eyes glistening. “Yeah, after you. Wouldn’t like to break family tradition.”
“God no, that would be considered treason.” I grin, but the joke doesn’t stop a new tear from rolling down. She’s named her baby after me. Me.
Somehow it feels like more than I deserve.
I press my lips to Sophie’s soft little forehead, the tear landing in her wispy golden hair.
For a moment, her tiny face crumples. I hold my breath.
As soon as I think she’s going to go full blast, she relaxes, lifting her little arm. Tiny fingers reaching in the air.
I offer her my pinky. She grabs it, her grip surprisingly strong. It looks like we’ve got ourselves a next gen musician.
“I remember when I held you like this. You were mine. Only mine, not hers..”
I inhale deeply. It’s time to finally have this conversation with her.
“Yes, she gave birth to you, but there wasn’t a chance in hell any of her wickedness would be in you.”
My smile feels bittersweet as I brush my thumb gently over Sophie’s tiny hand.
“And I was right. You turned out so beautiful, Evelyn. A strong, kind woman. I couldn’t be more proud.”
My voice breaks, forcing out the words I’ve been holding back for so long.
“I’m so sorry I failed you.”
My knees threaten to buckle as the weight of it all presses down on me. I stand, carefully holding Sophie, and hand her back to Effy.
As her small arms settle around her daughter, I lose the last shred of control I have.
Tears are coming hard and fast now. I use one hand to cover my face, but it’s no use.
Love, pain, heartbreak, exhaustion. At this point it’s all too damn much.
“Come here,” Effy says to me.
She places Sophie in the hospital cradle. I watch her for a moment, not exactly sure what to do. My feet stay rooted to the floor. I’m choking on the guilt and shame that’s been my shadow for years.
Her soft hands reach for me, tugging me closer. I let her pull me in.
There I am in her arms, my head dropping to her shoulder. Everything I’ve been dragging around for years has finally brought me to my knees.
Her hand moves over my back and I hadn’t even realized how cold I felt until now, until her warmth started to thaw me out. And damn, it hurts. It hurts so much.
“Effy…” She keeps stroking my back, waiting. It makes me spill the words out.
“I broke the day I left you with Jay. It wrecked me. Completely. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. God, Effy, I never wanted to.”
Her chin ticks in a nod against my collarbone.
“After your brother died… and after I nearly lost you in the fire… Effy, I couldn’t lose you too. I couldn’t. So I let you go. I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. You were my little girl and I…”
Effy leans back to look at me, her hands sliding to my shoulders. I feel a slight tremble as she holds me.
