“I’m a mum now, Dad. And I get it. I really do.”
I flinch at the word Dad. It feels strange, like it belongs to someone else. Jay. But she holds my gaze and I can’t look away.
“You did it because you loved me. You did it to protect me. I know that now, and that’s enough.”
I shake my head. “It’s not enough. It will never be enough. I failed you, sweetheart. I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve—”
“Stop. You did what you thought was right, and you did it for me.”
Her words, it feels like she’s speaking directly to the scared, wounded teenager that has been locked inside my body all this time.
“I see that now. And I forgive you.”
Forgive.
I close my eyes. With the first exhale after that word I feel the last remnants of the silence crumble, vanishing into dust and disappear.
For good.
“You were so young, Tom. You deserved better. And I think we both get a chance to start over now.”
“Maybe. We’ll see…” I run my thumb over the triangular Onyx on my chest.
“Tom, that guy is insanely crazy about you. Go. Go to your boyfriend and find your happiness. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
I let out this long, shaky sigh, my mind racing a kilometre a minute.
Okay, deep breath. Chronological order, Tom. That’s how you get things accomplished.
Apartment. Passport. Suitcase. My suitcase is still packed, and half my stuff is on the floor exactly where I left it three months ago.
Book a flight? No, screw that. I'm heading straight to the airport. If I have to sleep in front of the gate, so be it. I don’t care. Am I about to do this?
Fuck yes.
“Why are you still here?” Effy’s voice snaps me back. She raises an eyebrow, her arms crossed. “Don’t you have a plane to catch?”
I laugh. It’s a bit shaky but it’s real. I kiss her cheek, then bend down to brush my fingertips over little Sophie’s hair. “Thank you for everything,” I say, and my voice catches on the words. “I love you, sweetheart.”
I make it to the hallway before my chest tightens. I can’t leave like this. No way. I turn around and rush back, wrapping Effy in one last hug, as tight as I can.
“I’m going to miss you so much. I’ll call you. Every single day, I promise. I don’t want to miss any updates of Little Miss Sunshine.”
She laughs softly.
“Go,” she says, pushing me away. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Now go.”
I force myself to step back, to turn around, to keep moving.
Outside, I grip the keys in my back pocket. My nervous brain doesn’t even know which button to press anymore. I hit the most logical one and the lights of my car blink in response.
I check my phone for flights. Avalon…please… Fuck, tomorrow. But hey, there’s a flight to Aruba departing in four hours. Maybe I can take that one and see if I can catch a connecting flight to Avalon from there.
Fine. Aruba first. Whatever it takes.
I start the engine and drive.
Chapter sixty-one
