He looks at her like he isn’t quite buying it.
Eager to keep him from pressing, she says, “How is it fair that Lessa got selected, and I didn’t?”
James brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s the thing about luck. You can’t count on it to do you any favors. Sometimes you have to make your own.”
The warm feelings blossoming between them come to a frosty halt. Why does he always do that?That isn’t how things work now, she wants to scream. The irony of her situation strikes her like a slap. As if she has any control over it. What he is suggesting is laughable. Her head whips up, and she glares at him. Then she gets to her feet, making her way to her bathroom. Standing in the doorway, she says, “You know, I thought I’d gotten lucky when I discovered you were real. Then I thought maybe this was the non-deities’ way of gifting me with the companionship I’ve always dreamed of. But then you turned out to be you.” James flinches, but she carries on. “And now Lessa’s won the birthing lottery. And here I sit, as pathetic and alone as where I started.”
Then she closes the door, leaving him perched at the foot of her bed. When she emerges half an hour later, thankfully, James is gone.
24 – You Weren’t Invited
K8
October 29, 2390, Day 59.
In the morning, K8 has recovered enough from her emotional implosion to meet Lessa for a follow-up lunch. They spend the entire two hours discussing baby names and speculating how often one is required to change diapers. “At least once a week!” Lessa guesses.
The mood is light, and K8 is grateful Lessa was so wrapped up in their ownGOOD NEWSthat they didn’t give a second thought to K8’s unacceptable behavior. K8 leaves lunch vowing to herself to do better.
She makes it back to her unit on an emotional high, determined to put the positive energy into the task orders that have been piling up in herinbox.
Right as she’s about to get started on the first one, two strong hands clamp down on her shoulders. Then they squeeze, and it takes all her willpower not to purr and arch back into them as his scent engulfs her. No. Absolutely not.That’s the thing about luck. . . His words have been tumbling around in her mind since he said them.
Why couldn’t things be simpler? Why couldn’t he be a different, lesshimman, gifted to her by Zorg and Zephyr?
She jerks her shoulder, brushing his hands away without a word.
“K8,” he says. His low tone kneads her, almost as nicely as his hands did. “How did your lunch with Lessa go?”
Does he actually care? It feels a little too much like companionship. But he doesn’t get it. He’s a selfish man, motivated by selfish things. It’s not possible for him to change enough to become what she needs emotionally. Nor is he willing to provide her with what she needs physically. It will not happen.
“It was fine. I have work to do.” She doesn’t spare him a glance as she activates her system. She grits her teeth and gets to work. She has to support them both, after all.
But she can feel him still standing there, staring, as if she’s the most pressing item on his task list. She refocuses, but the weight of his gaze is too heavy. If he wanted to cross her off his list, he would have when he had the chance. So what is he doing now?
“I said I’d tell you more about the boxing. Do you have a minute?” he asks.
Oh, that’s all. He’s not captivated trying to solve the puzzle of her, he’s just trying to keep his word. It’s a silly thought—she hadn’t really hoped he spent all night dissecting questions about her that wouldn’t let him rest.Why did she never want a manupartner? Why does she desire companionship? Why hasn’t she given up and turned him into GROW? Is she really that much of a good person to be so altruistic?K8 isn’t so sure, because aside from her moral obligation, there mighthave been a tiny part of her that had hung an even tinier bit of hope on him.
“Sure.” She tries to remember what she wanted him to expand on as she makes her way to the couch. “You were trying to convince me that it wasn’t as risky as I’m imagining.”
“Right,” he says hesitantly, sitting beside her. Angling his body so he’s twisted toward her. She stays facing straight. “Naturally, there’s risk with everything, so I won’t lie to you and say there isn’t. But there may be an opportunity for me to start building a surplus of funds. I’ve been messaging with this woman I met—”
K8 chokes. “A woman?” Her body pivots toward him without her permission.
“Yes, one of the physicians. Her name is Sable, and”—his pause is longer this time—“she works as a lab technician for GROW.”
Her heartbeat skips once. Twice. How does he seem so calm about this? Unless he and this woman—
“K8, I can see your mind working. It isn’t nearly as alarming as you’re thinking. She just works there, and I’m only telling you that so you’ll understand how she knew I was one of the reincarnates.”
“Reincarnates?” she asks.
“Yes. It’s the term I came up with for people from the past meant to be manupartners, like me. Anyway, I tried to hide it, but it was clear that she knew. She swore she wouldn’t turn me in because she thought there might be an opportunity for us to work together. She’s there to make extra money, too.”
The swirling sensations in her gut harden into something like . . . anger? Jealousy? Worry? Doesn’t matter. It’s unpleasant and making her stomach feel heavy. “So you’ve been messaging her?”
“Well, she messaged me first, with a bad idea, but you already gave me a better one.” He grins.
