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"Yes, of course I do."
"And do you trust me?"
"Yes, always. But what I did is the same as Leah did to you."
Hell the fuck no. "This is nothing like what that bitch did. Let me be very fucking clear on this, my love. Leah cheated with a colleague who was a partner in my father's firm. She got pregnant with his kid and told me it was mine. She would have married me a
nyway, but my father intervened and made sure she didn't…and in the most humiliating way possible to me. But only so he could call in favors later—when he wanted something—and had the person by the balls trapped in his spider's web of lies." Which he now had, with Ted Robinson beholden to him as well as dying of cancer. Karma was a vicious bitch sometimes…and not my fucking problem today.
"I'm so sorry, James. For what happened before with her, and for now…with me. I lied about being protected. I wasn't completely sure, and I didn't do a thing about it for over a month."
"I'm not sorry."
"How? Why aren't you feeling betrayed by my lying to you about my birth control?"
"Okay then, let me ask you this. Why did you lie?"
She looked down, feeling the full force of her shame, I guess, but I wanted to hear her answer anyway. "I didn’t care. That first night…I’d wanted you for so long...and once I knew you wanted me too, I refused to allow anything to stand in my way of having you. I…I…really don't know. I told you point blank it was okay for you to come in me. You asked me if you needed to pull out because we didn't have condoms at the house that first night we were together. I told myself the shot was still working when even I considered it might not be." She shook her head slowly back and forth. "It was so irresponsible of me and goes against everything I know and practice in my life and my work."
"I don't care, and I'm still not sorry it happened."
"Why not, James?"
"Simple." I took her face in my hand and held her firmly then put my other hand low on her belly. "Because this baby was made with the right girl. My right girl. And I love you, and now our baby, very much."
Her eyes filled with tears again. I knew then that I loved her tears when she cried, because they were mine. I owned them…much like Winter owned my heart. This woman had cried for me…feared for my heart, when she had possibly hurt me. But what she didn’t realize was that her instant reaction proved her love for me beyond words.
She was mine to love forever.
And my heart was now safer than it had ever been.
Chapter Twenty-One
WINTER
One week later.
"I suppose I won't ever have to worry about a want of grandchildren, will I? At this rate adults in this family are going to be outnumbered by babies in a very short time." This was my mother's attempt at making light of a situation that was anything but light for me. I had to give her props for not being a bitch about it though. She'd always adored James, so she was genuinely thrilled with our news. Which surprised me only because she hadn't been as thrilled about Caleb and Brooke when they'd announced they were expecting. Granted she'd been out of town then, staying in Charleston with her aunts and cousins over the holidays when Brooke and Caleb found out she was pregnant. Married in secret a week later, then away for a month-long honeymoon, they were now happily living life as they waited for their baby to be born. Without input from her or anyone else.
I was not feeling so fortunate as my brother. Caleb had skills for dealing with our mother that none of the rest of us could match, and he always had. She didn't get away with manipulating him very often, the lucky bastard.
"Three weddings in six months will certainly be a challenge, even for me," she said cheerfully, "but I think I can pull it all off with a flourish."
"Not three in six months, Mom."
"Yes, you and James of course, Willow and Roger in July, and something to mark the event for Caleb and Brooke."
"I don't want to get married before the baby is born." I knew this would go over like a lead balloon for her, but I wasn't going to budge on my position. She couldn't force me. "James and I have already decided. We're waiting until after the baby to have our wedding."
"Oh no, Winter, you most certainly are not. I cannot accept that from one of my children. Even Caleb married Brooke as soon as they could possibly manage it."
Even Caleb? What the hell did that comment mean? Sometimes she said things which made no sense. Still a mystery to me most of the time even though we'd always had a decent mother-daughter relationship; my mom was ever a supportive parent. But I'd known she would react this way even before we showed up tonight. Her position certainly wasn't a surprise, annnnd I was regretting the madness of coming to this dinner for the purpose of telling our parents they were going to be upgraded to grandparents in about seven and a half months. I looked to James sitting to my left and asked silently for his support in backing me up.
We'd talked about it and he had agreed to let me set the pace of things. I was still in a bit of shock about his attitude about the whole thing to be honest. He accepted the pregnancy bomb like it was the best news he'd ever been given. He said it wasn't anything different from what he wanted to do with me eventually; we'd just sped up his plans up a bit. Ya think? From the moment I'd told him, James had been very relaxed about everything. If he had doubts about being a father and a husband, he didn't share them. He was probably shielding me, because he knows I'm a total mess over it. I'm scared I'll be a terrible mother. I don't know how to be a mom. Maybe his eight years on me has helped him cope with impending parenthood. I don't know…anything anymore.
When James just smiled at my mom and then at me without speaking up, I tilted my head at him and glared.
"Your thoughts, Robert and Vanessa?" My mother bypassed me altogether and went to the judge for input. Asking Vanessa for her opinion was merely a politeness, because we all knew she would agree with whatever her husband decreed. I was not thrilled with having to toe the line for the judge in any way, shape, or form. Fuck him. I'd told James that already. I had limits and Judge Beastly went far past mine a hella long time ago.
