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He smiled his fake reptilian smile at me and then turned to look at his wife. "Vanessa and I've discussed it at length and feel that our only son deserves a wedding that befits the Blakney name—and Blackstone, of course." I thought Vanessa looked especially miserable tonight as she sat beside her husband at my mother's dining table. If I didn't know better I'd say she was in pain—and it didn't sit well with me at all. I needed to reach out before I lost my mind over whatever was going on with her. I decided I'd speak to her alone the first chance I got. Meanwhile, the judge droned on, "As both James and Winter are descended from founding fathers of New England, the honor carries with it certain responsibilities to uphold our worthy place in history and to be seen in society well. A marriage of our children cannot be something slapped together on the haphazard efforts of a few weeks. The guest list for this wedding will need to be curated with careful attention."
The judge was dreaming if he thought I was putting on a celebrity-scale wedding event to appease his absurd political aspirations. That sort of event would definitely not be what my wedding was about. Part of me wanted to get up from the table and leave, but I held my tongue and watched the circus instead.
My mom raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and gave the judge her version of high-society-stink-eye. "I am well aware of that, Robert, but my daughter is pregnant. We don't have the luxury of months to plan a society wedding. She's not walking down the aisle to marry James in one of those hideous maternity wedding gowns."
The judge gave it right back to her. "I agree…our children have jumped the gun by putting the baby before the wedding, Madelaine, but that matter is rather out of our hands now. I suppose we'll just have to swallow this misstep and have the wedding after my grandchild is born." He could play the sympathetic victim so well it was almost entertaining to watch. Almost.
And so incredibly rude to be talked about as if I wasn't sitting in the same fucking room as them. I now had a much better understanding of Caleb and Brooke's decision to go with marrying in secret. Maybe James and I could do something similar…
Which made me wonder why my beloved was now mute.
I elbowed him and whispered tightly, "Say something."
Startled by my poke, he quickly found his voice. "Ahh, Madelaine, we considered a few options, and honestly I'd be happy with any scenario that ends with our names on a marriage certificate." He looked over at me and winked, letting me know he was on my side. "I'd do it tomorrow in front of a justice of the peace if that's what Winter wanted. But a rushed marriage is not what she wants, nor will she consider upstaging her twin sister's wedding in July. So, we've decided to plan ours for somewhere around six months after our baby is born. He or she will be able to be there with all of us on our big day when we say our vows."
Perfectly said by my man. He reached for my hand and clasped it, giving a little squeeze. I loved him so much. My James and his understanding of how to give me what I needed—always. I probably never would grasp any logical reason for his way of loving me.
"Oh." Mom opened her mouth to say more and then shut it again. James was a master at explaining things in such a way that made arguing the point…difficult if not impossible. I almost felt a twinge of sympathy for my mother being silenced on the subject of my wedding. Almost.
I took my opportunity with Vanessa when she was in the bathroom and the others were occupied with coffee and dessert. I surprised her when she came out by being the first thing she saw when she opened the door. "Oh, my goodness, you startled me, dear."
"I know, I'm sorry for accosting you like this but I really wanted to talk to you alone." I reached out my hand and covered one of hers. I didn't want to be
pushy, but I felt I needed to move quickly and make a connection with her, and touching a person is a good way to do it. "Vanessa, you know I'm a social worker, right? I really love my job. I love helping people. I don't want to offend you in any way, or make you uncomfortable, but I am feeling most profoundly that you may be in need of some support, and if I could get that support to you it would mean the world to me, and to James of course, to be able to help you. James adores you, and we'll be family very soon. We already are really, because you're my child's grandmother. You don't have to say anything to me—here or right now. I only wanted to make the offer."
"What is the offer, my dear?" I saw understanding in her eyes, so I felt confident enough to say the rest.
I slipped my business card into her hand and then closed it by folding her fingers over and hiding it inside her palm. "This is where I work. I can help you with anything that you may need it to be…or put you into contact with the right people who can. You are also invited come down and tour SBYC and decide for yourself if you might like to be a volunteer there. Sometimes people are most comfortable beginning their relationship with support services by volunteering." I smiled gently. "No pressure at all, and if what I've said is way off-base, please disregard it as my hormonal pregnant brain taking over my mouth, okay?"
She didn't say anything at first, but her eyes held mine and I sensed that maybe I had reached through to her. It was confirmed a moment later when she drew me into her arms for a hug and whispered in my ear, "Thank you, Winter, you'll never know what this means to me."
Judge Beastly interrupted us about ten seconds later, and I panicked that he'd guessed what I'd been up to because he drew her away from me by the hand rather possessively. "It's time to go, Vanessa. For the moment, we've settled everything here." I worried he might confiscate my card and expose my covert efforts to help her—hopefully to escape him. But he'd taken her hand without the card, or maybe she'd slipped it up her sleeve and out of sight before he saw it. Either way worked for me.
Dear God, thank you!
"Just some girl-talk with my new mother-in-law is all. You may have her back, your honor." I faked my sweetest most sugary smile and put my hand on the bathroom door as if I was going in.
"Oh, please call me dad, Winter, of course you must." He said it as an afterthought, like he was used to family members referring to him as your honor on a regular basis.
That will never happen, you fucking monster.
I told James what I'd done in the car on the drive home.
He was silent at first, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip on the steering wheel. "She actually said that to you— 'Thank you, Winter, you'll never know what this means to me.' –and took your c-card?" The stammer gave away just how much I'd shocked him. By now I was well aware of the many times James and Victoria both had reached out to their mom offering their help to her in leaving the judge and starting a new life if she wanted. But never once in all of the years they'd tried to open a discussion with her about her obvious unhappiness, had she admitted a thing to her two children. They knew something was wrong, but whatever it was remained a deeply buried secret.
"She did, James."
"I can't believe it." As he looked over at me, and even in the darkness I could see the surprise in his eyes. "I'm fucking glad, but I still can't believe she even entertained the thought of doing anything other than pretending all is well."
"Sometimes when it's a person removed from the situation offering the help it's easier. Like me inviting her to volunteer at SBYC might be the way in. Your dad has a hold over her…with something. That much is apparent, and I could see it clearly in their small encounter when he came to find her to leave. Your mom is making a choice to stay with him. Her choice. That only she can make, James. No matter how much we try to help she has to be the one to ask for it."
"I know that. Vic and I've known it for a long time. She's miserable with him but she won't say why or do anything to change her situation. Trust me, I've spent countless hours worrying about my mom. I accepted a long time ago that whatever it is between my parents…I may never know."
"All we can do is try and let her know we'll be here for her when she's ready."
"Thank you, Win." I heard lots of emotion in my James' voice. I sensed he wanted to say more to me but couldn't. It wasn't the right time or place for it while driving us home.
I must have dozed off in the cozy warmth of the car, because I woke up to something much different. James smelled so good. The realization that I was resting against his hard chest as he carried me in his strong arms...was heaven. "Mmm…did I fall asleep again?"
