I rub my face in my hands.Shit. They all look so worried. “You know I was celibate, right?”
“Uh, yeah,” Drake answers, a sub halfway to his mouth. “We noticed.”
“Yeah, okay. But you know I didn’t go down that path because I was addicted to sex, right? It was more because it was meaningless to me. I wasn’t even enjoying it. It was just a distraction from what I was really feeling, what I really needed to deal with. And maybe, you know, maybe it was all part of a bigger picture—that I needed better control of myself. But I wasn’t addicted to sex, I absolutely promise you.”
“Okay, and …?” Elijah asks, his gray eyes filled with worry. “What are you saying Maddox? That now you’ve broken your celibacy you might break other things? Are you worried that you’re losing control?”
He keeps his voice even, but I can hear the stress coming through. It makes perfect sense that they might think that, giventhat I very dramatically summoned them all here. This is one of the worst things about being an addict, reformed or not—knowing that your loved ones will always, always be on alert in case you relapse.
“Fuck, no. Honestly, Elijah, all of you, that’s not what’s happening here. I’m sorry if you’ve all been waiting for me to fuck up, wondering if I was using again. I am not, I promise.”
He tries to hide it, but I catch the relief on his face. On all their faces. I love them. They love me. But this shit can get exhausting. I move on to the real issue. “Okay. So. You know how I said I wasn’t addicted to sex?”
“Yeah. Because you said it maybe ninety seconds ago,” Mason says, his brow furrowed in a frown. “Why do you keep repeating it, bro? What the hell is going on?”
I blow out a breath and then inhale another. “Well, now I think maybe Iamaddicted to sex, and I don’t know what the fuck to do with it. It’s Ellie. I can’t keep my fucking hands off her. I can’t stop thinking about her. Like I want to be inside her all the fucking time. And when I’m not, I’m busy picturing it. I see her and my dick is hard. I think about her and my dick is hard. I can barely focus on anything else. Every waking moment, I’m thinking about sex with Ellie, and usually I’m dreaming about her when I’m asleep too. It’s driving me fucking crazy.”
They all stare at me.
Mason laughs first, and then Drake and Elijah follow suit. Only Nathan remains semi-composed, but even the Iceman’s lips are twitching. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
“What the fuck? I’m being serious here. I’m worried. I have never felt like this about anyone before. I’m fucking addicted.”
Nathan claps me on the back. “It happens to the best of us, bro. If you’re an addict, then welcome to the club.”
“What the hell do you mean?”
He takes a sip of his Scotch. “Mel only has to smile at me and I want to mount her like an animal. I would retire, move to a desert island, and spend every waking hour of my life doing nothing but fucking her if it was in any way feasible.”
I stare at him and consider whether he’s actually being serious.
Fuck, I think he is.
“Same,” Drake agrees. “I think about sex with Amelia an absurdly crazy amount of times per day. More times than I think about anything else for sure. I was just thinking about it right now, actually. I really need to get back to the office.”
His eyes go misty, and he fidgets in his seat. Amelia is also his part-time secretary, and given the look on his face, I expect they spend more time fucking than working.
Elijah nods. “Good sex is addictive, Mad. And with someone you love, who wants you just as much, it’s explosive and obsessive. It’s nothing to worry about.”
I look to Mason for a little backup. He simply shrugs. “I could fuck King any time, any place. Speaking of which, I also need to get back to the office.”
Christ! Do any of these fuckers actually work when they’re working?
“And I need to get home,” Elijah declares. “Amber is trying some life drawing and I’m her first subject.”
Mason downs his Scotch. “That actually means she’s gonna paint a little, and then they’re gonna fuck in the paint,” he says with a wicked grin.
Jesus. I look around. They’re finishing up their drinks and preparing to leave. They’re all fucking sex addicts. Not to mention assholes. I have never felt more like the baby brother than I do right now.
I direct my attention to Nathan, who I’ve always turned to as the voice of reason. He calmed me down when I was worriedabout my anger, and I believed him. I haven’t felt that rage since, at least not about my brothers. About Ellie’s bastard of a father, absolutely, but that’s understandable. “Really? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
Nathan grins. “Do you think about sex with anybody else, or is it just Ellie?”
“It’s just her. Obviously.”
“Right. So, you’re not addicted tosex, then, are you? You’re addicted to sex with Ellie. And believe me when I say that’s a good thing.” A round of nods and grunts of agreement.
“So what the fuck are you all saying? That this is perfectly normal?”
