Suddenly, the image of that final text flashed before my eyes.Mac, please.
I could hear it now in his voice, see it all over his face, and I felt sick with regret as a result.
Brady shifted, his hands going into the pockets of his brown winter coat. “How’ve you been?”
“Busy,” I replied automatically. The same answer I’d been peddling for over a month now anytime anyone asked.
He nodded slowly, expression closed off. “Well, glad you could make time for your neighbors tonight.”
I couldn’t decide if he was making fun of me or accusing me of something, but his narrowed gaze made me think it was a challenge all the same.
“No one cares if I’m here or not,” I said truthfully. “The bonfires just keep on going no matter who shows up. Nothing ever changes.”
Brady snorted. “Some things change.”
My eyes sharpened, searching his face. I was taken aback by his tone. I’d done that, I thought. I put that wounded look on his face, that sharp edge in his voice when Brady Judd had never been cynical a day in his life.
The weight of my guilt sank deep in my chest. I didn’t know what I wanted from Brady, but I knew it wasn’t this. While I’d been wary and nervous to set eyes on him tonight, I couldn’t ignore how good it felt to see him after going weeks without. How something had slotted neatly into place behind my ribs.
Abruptly, Brady took in a deep breath and gathered himself. A mask slipped over his features, jovial and light. And if I didn’t have the reminder of aMac, pleasetext swallowing me whole, I probably would have bought the act.
Then he was grinning and saying, “Well, I heard Eloise Carter went vegan, so I guess not everything stays the same.”
I frowned. Why was he talking about Eloise Carter? Why was he playing nice when he should have been telling me off?
I wanted him to be angry. That was what I deserved, and, at least, that would be real.
I wanted him to yell at me for sneaking out of his bedroom. To call me out for ignoring his texts and hiding from him like a coward for weeks.
“That’s not what I meant,” I managed.
His mask slipped. I could see a spark of indignation in his bright blue eyes, and I thought we were getting somewhere. “No? What did you mean, Mac? You want a new-and-improved Friday night activity to keep you entertained?”
“No, I just meant, it’s always more of the same. These people, this place. Locals are born here, and they die here, and they never try anything different.” I didn’t know why we were talking about this or why I was voicing these thoughts aloud. I was angry with myself, yetthesewere the words crawling out of my mouth. It was like a trigger engaging or a switch being flipped. I’d gone from making painful conversation with someone who had recently seen me naked to whatever the hell this was.
Brady looked surprised momentarily before reining it in. “There’s nothing wrong with staying in Kirby Falls. People are content here. It’s home.” He said it slowly, like he was testing out a theory he’d long suspected.
“Yeah, but how do they even know they’re content if they never get out and do more?”
“Look at my sister,” he countered immediately. “Candy left to go be successful or whatever in the big bad city, and now she’s back, and I’m pretty sure she wished she’d never left. I went away to college. I traveled to other countries. And I came back because I wanted to.”
I didn’t know Brady had traveled anywhere. The part of me that was greedy for information wanted to ask where he’d been. I wanted him to describe it all, to leave nothing out. But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have the right, and this wasn’t the time.
Brady’s eyes searched mine. “Everything just reinforced that this is where I want to be. Kirby Falls is where I belong. I don’t need to be embarrassed about it. I’m happy here. And news flash, Clark, you’re a townie, too. You were born and raised here. You’re still here. Maybe you should stop being so judgy about the tourists who visit and find something about this place that they love. Maybe you should stop acting like Friday night bonfires are so beneath you.”
“They’re not,” I argued, but Brady kept right on talking.
“Living in your hometown doesn’t make you less than. It doesn’t mean you’ve settled.”
The wordsettledlodged itself in my windpipe. I thought of the farm and my work there. How my cousin Will thought I half-assed everything and barely trusted me with basic tasks. And how maybe I deserved that.
Ihadsettled. I’d worked for my family since I was a teenager, and then I just kept right on, never asking for more or proving I deserved it. Doing just enough to get by and pay my bills. I’d never even considered going to college or doing anything different, like moving out on my own.
I wanted to criticize my hometown, but I was just like everyone else. A hundred tabs saved on my laptop for places I’d never visit.
“So you think I’m what? A loser?” Brady’s words cut through the thoughts crowding around my head like an angry mob. “For coming back after college, working at the orchard. For being content with my life. Same friends, same job, same Friday nights.”
“I didn’t say that,” I said softly, even though I’d implied it. I hated how defensive Brady sounded. “What kind of hypocrite would I be? Like you said, I’m a townie in the exact same boat.”
