And for the man in a bar across town who’d denied himself my love before I could take it away.
He might have been lying to himself about our relationship, claiming it was casual right up until the bitter end, but Jack had been right about some things.
I hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time, but I did try to be perfect for everyone. I hid my emotions and faked being fine.
Mac wasn’t the only person who’d seen the bright, optimistic version of myself instead of the messy real one.
Initially, I’d told myself that I was putting people at ease, keeping the peace with my lies. What did I have to complain about? I had a good job, a home, and a family who supported me. I’d been married to my high school sweetheart.
Sure, I’d been lonely, but it hadn’t felt right to speak up. It seemed selfish and ungrateful to want more when I already had so much. Comparison was tricky like that. It provided the excuse to take what you got and claim it was what you deserved.
And when my life fell apart, wanting it back—even the solitary bits and the cheating husband—was easy and comfortable. That was the awful, painful truth. For once, in a moment of weakness, I’d been honest, and Jack had borne witness to it.
For whatever reason, he’d clung to that drunken confession with both hands and held me to it—held it against me. It had given him the excuse he needed to break things apart.
But I couldn’t spend my life being afraid to be honest, and I told Mac as much.
“It’s okay to let your guard down,” she said sincerely, passing me a carton of ice cream. “People love you—and not just the perfect version everyone expects. They loveyou, the heart of you. And they want you to be happy, whatever that looks like. I can understand you not wanting to talk to Mom and Dad or Will about relationship stuff. But you can always talk to me or Larry. You should tell Candace what’s going on, too. She’s been so worried about you.”
I winced, knowing that I hadn’t been fair to my best friend. “She has the wedding so soon. I don’t want to add more to her plate.”
“Nu-uh,” Mac mumbled around a bite of chocolate chip cookie dough. “None of those excuses. That’s not how love works. It’s not there only when it’s convenient. The best sort of love isn’t shiny or pretty. It’s showing up when things are hard and messy and weighing you down. It’s knowing you’re hurting and hurting because of it. Let Candace be your friend. Let me be your family. Let yourself be vulnerable with us, and trust us to be able to be there for you. You’re not something that needs to be handled, Bonnie.”
Emotion stung my nose. “When did you get so smart, baby sister?”
She shrugged and licked her spoon.
“Is this Brady’s influence?” I teased.
“First of all, rude. Second of all ... yes, probably.”
We shared a smile. Mine was a little watery, but Mac didn’t call me on it.
Instead, she used her spoon to dig a bite out of my pint of ice cream before asking seriously, “Okay, can you explain the rabbit-stealing thing now? Because that has been driving me crazy.”
My laugh burst out of me, but I hopped up and retrieved Oreo from the bedroom.
Then I made my sister an accomplice to petnapping.
Jack
Lia opened the door and then frowned.
I’d only rung the doorbell because my hands were full.
“Where’s Bonnie?” she asked, looking behind me like I might be hiding her somewhere.
“With the Clarks, I imagine.”
Then I passed my grandmother the bottle of wine I was holding so I could use two hands to support the bowl of mashed potatoes I’d made.
It was Christmas Eve, and as our two-person tradition dictated, we shared dinner together to celebrate the holiday. Lia made the ham, green beans, and rolls. And I brought the potatoes, deviled eggs, and pie. I’d whipped up the potatoes this afternoon, butthe deviled eggs were courtesy of Magnolia’s kitchen, and the pumpkin pie was from Pied Piper over in Miller Creek.
“I thought you’d bring her,” Lia called. She was still standing there with the door wide open.
Maybe she thought this was all an elaborate prank, and Bonnie was going to pop out at any moment and yell, “Surprise.”
“Nope,” I hollered back, unloading my burdens onto the countertop.
