‘I did miss him, an awful lot, to begin with. But I wonder whether I missed him for himself or as a second pair of hands, a companion…someone to share my life with. The fact that he is Izzy’s father made us seem like such an obvious, foregone conclusion. For us to be together and make it work would make Izzy so happy, in such a secure family unit, that we knew we had to do everything we could to give our relationship a chance. But it just wasn’t enough for him. I think in hindsight I could tell that he wasn’t happy, but I was so focused on Izzy and work that I didn’t really stop to pay much attention.’
‘I feel a bit like that about Jules,’ Angus said.
‘I keep coming back to what would have happened if I hadn’t got pregnant.’
‘What do you think would have happened?’
‘I think it’s more than likely that I would have come back to England as planned; that we would have had every intention of making it work, but it would have fizzled out as a long-distance relationship. Without the promise, or threat, of impending fatherhood, I’m sure Luca would never have moved away from Positano. He loves it so much. So I think maybe we were never quite meant to be.’
‘When you think about him now, how does it make you feel?’
‘I think I’ve accepted it. And actually there are so many positives. Without everything that happened, we wouldn’t be here now. We wouldn’t have L’Albero di Limoni. I wouldn’t have Izzy…’
‘Would you say you have moved on?’
‘I would,’ she said firmly. ‘Do you think you have?’ Her heart was drumming loudly in her ears and she realised she was holding her breath. The atmosphere between them seemed to have shifted up a gear. She forgot about everyone else in the restaurant; all she could see was Angus sitting in front of her, smiling at her with such fondness that a hope she hardly dared imagine swelled irrepressibly within her.
He didn’t say anything. He looked as though he wanted to, but it was as if he didn’t know how to find the words. He took her hand and squeezed it, stroking the side of her hand with his thumb. Taking a deep breath he said, ‘Libby I feel there’s something I should tell you…’
She felt riddled with tension; she didn’t know what to say, so she just smiled at him and waited, hardly daring to breathe. Could he be feeling the same way?
Angus took a deep breath in. ‘I’ve been offered the chance to host a solo exhibition in New York…’ he said.
Libby felt the air force out of her lungs in a sharp exhalation. She felt sick to the bottom of her stomach. ‘New York?’ she repeated, dumbstruck, her voice strangely high-pitched. It was the last thing she had been expecting. She felt her eyes well with tears. She dug her nails into the palm of her left hand to stop herself from crying. ‘Wow! That’s amazing…’ she forced herself to smile despite the wave of despair that was coursing through her.
Angus looked at her, his eyes searching, clearly desperate to see how she would react. She was determined not to let him see her vulnerability. She had completely failed in her resolve not to become dependent on him. She would not let him see how desperately she needed him, how desperately she loved him.
‘My agent rang me last week. I didn’t want to say anything until I had thought it through properly.’
‘I assume this means you will be going to America?’ Libby asked, hoping beyond hope that he would say no, that he would tell her he couldn’t leave her and Izzy.
‘It would be dependent on me doing a series of landscapes based in the US. I can choose anywhere I like. And yes, I would have to relocate there for a while. I think it might be good for me… a new beginning…’
Libby felt her bottom lip wobble. ‘But haven’t you had a new start, a new beginning here?’ she asked. ‘We’ve just got your studio ready, you were about to start painting again…’
‘I know. And if you will allow me to I hope that I can keep that, as soon as this is over I will come back and pick up where I left off. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, it’s now or never. As much as I have loved setting up L’Albero di Limoni with you, I think you will be okay now without me. At least for a while…’
‘How long will you be going?’ she asked.
‘Probably six months or so?’
Libby nodded. She felt utterly sick at the thought. He might meet someone new in that time. He might settle in New York and that would be it. He would still be a partner to her but only on paper. She would never see him, Izzy would never see him. Her heart felt like it was breaking into a thousand pieces.
‘I’m really happy for you,’ she said, squeezing his hand and then withdrawing her own from his grasp. ‘It’s an incredible opportunity, I can see why you want to take it.’
Angus was still looking at her with intense concentration. He was trying to read her and she diverted her eyes so that he could not. She raised her hand and flagged down the waiter, asking for the bill.
‘It’s my treat,’ she said, batting away his hand as he reached for his credit card. ‘It’s your birthday dinner.’ She was suddenly desperate to leave.
She paid the bill and they continued to talk through his plans. His words fell on deaf ears. Her head was spinning and she felt as though she had gone onto autopilot as they called a taxi and made their way home, relieving Francesca of her babysitting duties. Desperate for an escape to retreat to her own room before her tears spilt over she told Angus that she had a headache. He kissed her goodnight. She could barely stand it. She closed the bedroom door behind her and let silent tears spill down her cheeks. She held her breath in an attempt not to let him hear her ragged breathing, should he be listening outside the door.
