‘You aren’t at work.’
He shook his head. ‘Go back to sleep. I’ll take Raffy to school.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. We can talk later.’ He shut the door. She hoped he was okay to drive. She knew he’d have drowned his sorrows at the pub after their fight. His drinking was getting worse, and they both knew his family history with alcohol was not something he wanted to repeat.
She closed her eyes, blocking out the daylight. Flashes of their argument span through her mind. She turned over and buried her head under the pillow, drowning out their voices. She tried to go back to sleep, exhausted after a restless night. She had replayed what had happened over and over again, planning what she would say to him that morning.
One thing was crystal clear in her mind: she was not going tolet it pass, she had let it go when he’d pulled her hair almost out of her scalp, but not this time.
She opened her eyes a while later, relieved that she had finally drifted back to sleep. She looked around her. It felt strange sleeping in the spare room. She remembered choosing the painting of a harbour scene that hung on the wall together in Hastings. It was all familiar but oddly unfamiliar at the same time.
As she got out of bed, Noah pushed open the door with a cup of tea. He put it on the chest of drawers and cleared his throat awkwardly.
‘Look Helena, I’m sorry about last night.’ He took a step towards her. ‘I overstepped the mark. I know it.’ He sighed. ‘I don’t know what to say. I saw red…’
She remained silent. Watching him as he stumbled for the right words to somehow make amends.
‘Please, Helena. You know I don’t mean it… I’m sorry.’ He shook his head. At least she could see a flicker of shame in his eyes.
‘You scared me.’
He nodded. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I only helped her tidy up,’ she whispered. She shook her head in bewilderment. ‘Surely even you can see how inappropriate your reaction was?’
She held his gaze, watching the shame turn to indignation. She knew he was going to defend himself now, to tell her it wasn’t his fault.
‘You knew I had told you not to get involved.’
There it was, the warning tone in his voice.
But she would not be deterred. ‘Seriously Noah, so what? We live in the twenty-first century for god’s sake. I am entitled to make my own choices. You may not approve of them, but you can’t react like that. It’s ridiculous.’
She knew she was playing with fire. He clenched his jaw, clearly trying to swallow down the anger that flared up inside him. She didn’t care.
‘If you can’t accept that then you have even more of a problem than I thought.’
‘Careful, Helena.’
‘Why? What are you going to do?’
She straightened her back and stood in defiance, ready for him.
She was on a roll, daring him to react, hoping to finally get through to him, to be the mirror he needed to see the truth. ‘Your temper is completely out of control, you can’t even begin to have a rational conversation with me. You say you know you have overstepped the mark, way,wayover the mark, but you can’t help yourself, can you?’
‘For fuck’s sake, Helena!’ His voice was getting louder now. ‘I won’t stand for this. You know how to provoke me. You are hardly innocent in this scenario. You know precisely how to push my buttons, exactly what pisses me off. You can’t tell me that you aren’t to blame. How am I supposed to control my temper when you deliberately disrespect me like that? Is it too much to ask that you show even the slightest sensitivity towardsmyfeelings?’
This was ridiculous. She felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall.
‘Are you seriously trying to turn this around onme?’ Helena asked in disbelief. ‘I help an elderly neighbour, an act of kindness, and you somehow blame me for the wayyoureact?’
‘Helena—’
‘No. That’s it. I’ve had enough. Get out of my way.’
She was desperate to get away from him.
