Later that day, when the morning rush of customers had calmed down and Helena checked her phone, she saw a missed call from Noah.
Flooded with a mixture of hatred and relief that he wasn’t dead, she called him back, steeling herself.
‘Noah?’
‘Helena. Is Raffy okay?’ His speech was slurred.
‘Where are you?’
‘How is he?’ he mumbled.
‘He’s at school. He’s okay.’
‘I didn’t want him to see me like that,’ Noah said. She couldhear the shame in his voice. She waited for an apology, but nothing came. Helena didn’t know what to say.
‘He’s been staying with me these past two nights. You need to tell him where you are. It’s not fair on him that you just disappeared like that.’
‘I know,’ he sighed. ‘I just needed to get away. I’m not cut out for this.’
‘For what?’ Helena snapped, suddenly impatient with his self-pity.
‘It’s a lot, looking after him full-time.’
‘You’re telling me.’
There was silence down the line.
‘Have you spoken to Sandra? The poor thing was out of her mind with worry this morning. You didn’t tell her anything.’
He paused. ‘I’ll call her now.’
‘Jesus Noah, this is just not good enough. Poor Raffy, he doesn’t deserve this. After everything he’s been through.’
‘I’ve been through a lot too,’ he replied quietly.
She fumed. ‘Haven’t we all?’
‘Look, Helena,’ he sighed. ‘Can you have him for a while?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Can he stay with you?’
‘For how long?’
‘I’m not sure yet. A few weeks. Maybe a few months, maybe longer. Look, I know I’m not what’s best for him. I have a lot of shit to deal with,’ he slurred. His voice broke, ‘I love him.’
Helena found herself nodding, she blinked back tears for Raffy. She knew that it was true, in his own warped way he did love his son.
‘I just don’t think I can do this anymore,’ he said. ‘I’m not ready to come back. I need to get away for a while. Sort myself out.’
‘I can look after him,’ Helena said. ‘Of course I will. But this time, I need some assurance you won’t take him away again. I need paperwork. Something that gives me the right to act as Raffy’s parent whether you are here or not.’
There was a long silence. ‘I’ll sort it,’ he said.
She waited to see if there was anything else. Nothing. Then eventually, ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, before the call disconnected.
*
