How did him confessing to being with Nathalie have anything to do with her saying no to Noah? She couldn’t make sense of it.
Her heart rate began to quicken at the expression in his eyes. There was relief, but something else, too.
‘Helena, I should have told you this a long time ago. I’ve been meaning to, I just didn’t know how to. I didn’t know when the time would be right. And then Noah came back, and everything became so fucked up. But I can’t wait a moment longer. I have to tell you, before I go mad. I love you. I am in love with you. Everything Noah offered you, it’s what I want, what I’ve been dreaming of. Eventually I want it all: marriage, babies even. But right now, I just have to know, could you ever see yourself thinking of me in that way? Do I even have the slightest chance?’
He looked so vulnerable, so doubtful, that Helena’s heart melted. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread from ear to ear across her face. She felt sure she must be dreaming. How could she have got it so wrong? All this time… how could she have been so blind. To herself, but also, to Johnny?
Words failed her. She pulled his face towards hers and brushed her lips against his. At the touch of their lips every cell in her body raged with longing. He pulled her up to her feet, bending down and cupping her cheeks with his hands as he kissed her. She could have kissed him forever, and it would never have been long enough. When they finally stopped to draw breath, the look in his eyes melted her heart all over again.
‘I love you too,’ she said, beaming from ear to ear. She was unable to believe what had happened. But there was one question that needed to be answered. ‘What about Nathalie?’ she asked.
‘Nathalie?’ he repeated, confused.
‘Isn’t there something going on between you? At Christmas… the secret admirer… all those visits to her house… and she wouldn’t tell me the name of her boyfriend…’
Johnny laughed, then saw Helena’s expression. ‘Oh, Helena, you’re serious? No, Nathalie is great, don’t get me wrong, but it has always been you. It’s onlyeverbeen you.’
‘But… I saw you last night. I went straight from Noah’s to Stable Cottages. You were hugging in the kitchen.’
He held her hands. ‘I had gone there to talk to her about you. I have been trying to work up the courage to tell you howI feel. Nathalie has had her suspicions, and I finally came clean last night. She told me in no uncertain terms that I had to say something. It was such a relief to tell someone. We hugged as I was leaving… that’s all.’
She felt dazed with relief. She was so glad she had been brave enough to follow her gut and say no to Noah. If she had said yes, Johnny would never have told her how he felt. He was too honourable, he wouldn’t want to step on anyone’s toes, especially with marriage on the cards. She burst out laughing and threw herself at Johnny. ‘I can’t believe this!’ she said, flinging her arms around his neck and kissing him again.
This time when he kissed her, she dissolved into him, losing all sense of time and space. She was lost in the tide of sensation.
When he pulled away, she grabbed him and pulled him closer, not wanting the feeling to end.
When they eventually broke apart Johnny smiled at her, the creases around his eyes she loved so much seemed deeper than ever.
‘When I came over this morning, I was planning on asking you to go for a walk with me. I had decided to tell you how I felt. When you said that Noah had given you those roses, that he had proposed, I couldn’t believe it. I was furious with myself for not acting sooner.’
Helena couldn’t believe her ears. ‘When I saw you there in the kitchen last night, with Nathalie, I felt like the world had ended. I had to do everything in my power not to fling myself into your arms and beg you to take pity on me. There was never any chance I could have said yes to Noah, he is nothing,nothing, compared to you. No one is.’
Johnny looked at her with such tenderness, then he kissed her again. This time his kisses became more urgent, he pulled her closer to him and pressed up against her, grinding his hips into her, and she knew exactly what was about to happen. She was desperate to feel his body against hers. But she had forgotten to tell him one thing.
‘We can’t,’ she whispered as she pulled apart. ‘Raffy is in the sitting room.’
Johnny looked more confused than ever. ‘Raffy?’ he asked.
‘Noah left. He hit me…’
‘He hit you?’ Johnny looked furious, his fingers touching her reddened cheek. ‘Is that what this is?’
Helena nodded. ‘Raffy saw the whole thing. Noah was in such a rage he just stormed out and drove off.’
‘Jesus!’ Johnny kissed her cheek gently, pressing his forehead against hers. ‘I will not let that bastard come near you again. I promise.’
He took her hand and gave it a squeeze as they walked into the sitting room.
‘Hey buddy,’ he said to Raffy who looked up in delight to see Johnny, who he adored. ‘What are we watching?’ He sat down on the sofa next to him and ruffled Raffy’s hair. She was so happy to see Raffy grinning as they chattered away about the movie, still reeling from what had just happened. She checked her phone to see if Noah had been in touch. Still nothing. She settled herself on the other side of Raffy and Johnny’s hand reached over Raffy’s shoulders and grazed the back of her neck. As she closed her eyes and letToy Story 3wash over her, she couldn’t wipe the beaming smile from her face.
43
HELENA DIDN’T HEARfrom Noah for the rest of the day. She went back over to Lavender Cottage late in the afternoon, with Johnny by her side. He was still furious with Noah for hitting her. There was no way he was going to let her go anywhere near him by herself. Even though Johnny was so gentle in temperament that he wouldn’t hurt a fly, she knew how protective of her he was and wondered what his reaction would be if he saw Noah, but she needn’t have worried – there was no sign of him. The door was still unlocked, there was no car in the drive, the house was exactly as they had left it. She packed a bag of overnight things for Raffy and a change of clothes for the next day. Raffy was confused but happy to be with Helena, and the dogs, and Margery and Johnny.
On Saturday night, after Raffy had fallen asleep on the futon, Helena popped out to see Nathalie for a drink. She told her the whole story. Nathalie was horrified to hear that Noah had punched her, muttering expletives and assassinating every aspect of his character. She couldn’t believe he would just abandon his child like that; as a parent it was completely unthinkable to her. That he still hadn’t contacted Helena was just unforgivable. Helena was beginning to wonder whether he had done something stupid in his anger, like drive his car into a tree. Nothing would surprise her at this stage. When Helena told Nathalie about Johnny’s declaration of love, Nathalie’s reaction had almost surpassed Margery’s, both of them had been overjoyed for Helena and Johnny. Nathalie was shocked at how badly Helena had got the wrong end of the stick. She confessed that her mystery man was a single dad atthe kids’ school. They were keeping it secret for the sake of their children, both having been through acrimonious divorces.
On Sunday, with still no word from Noah, Johnny and Helena did a ring around all the local hospitals, but there was no one who fitted the description they gave. Noah’s phone was switched off whenever they tried to call him. Helena felt like she was in some kind of strange time warp. By Monday morning, when they still hadn’t heard from Noah by 7 a.m., Helena called Sandra, who was in a complete state having turned up to work to find the house dark, unlocked and empty. Helena had explained the situation and Sandra had come straight over to pick Raffy up and take him home to get him ready for school. Sandra had been an angel, muttering to Helena under her breath that she had known something was up with Noah all along, that she wasn’t even that surprised he could go AWOL like this, especially as she had heard all about Helena’s history with him through the local grapevine. Helena reassured Raffy that he could stay with her for as long as Noah was away, explaining that he needed some time by himself, that it had nothing to do with Raffy. Her heart broke to see the fear in his eyes. He just didn’t understand what was happening. She told Sandra to drop him back at hers if she needed to when she clocked off, assuming that Noah would be in touch any minute. It was all so strange.
