At first, it was little things. Reminding him. Then it became bigger with logging into accounts. I was balancing spreadsheetsin high school to make sure the light stayed on instead of going out.
“It fell to me,” I said quietly. “All of it. The remembering. The planning. The anticipating.”
Eleanor’s expression softened.
“He was loving,” I said quickly. “He was wonderful. He just . . . needed someone to steady the edges.”
“And that became you,” Alex said gently.
I nodded.
“And I think I got used to being the steady one.”
The one who didn’t need. The one who handled it. The one who never relied too heavily on anyone else.
“Maybe I’m not just independent,” I murmured. “Maybe I’m afraid of what happens if I’m not.”
Silence settled softly around us.
Eleanor reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “That makes sense.”
“It also might mean I push away help even when I need it,” I admitted.
Alex leaned back in his chair. “Independence is a strength,” he said. “But if it’s armor all the time, it gets heavy.”
I let that sink in.
Maybe I had been wearing armor for so long, I didn’t know how to take it off without feeling exposed.
“Do you love him?” Eleanor asked quietly.
The question didn’t hit like a bomb. It landed like truth waiting to be spoken.
“Yes,” I said.
No hesitation. No calculation. Just yes. Because I did.
It was him. It was his ridiculous calm and intensity. But that also meant it was his need to fix everything because, once, he hadn’t been there. He listened when I talked about Dad.He built me shelves in his library without making it feel like a transaction.
It was real.
And that realization steadied me more than anything else had tonight.
Eleanor squeezed my hand. “Then the question isn’t whether you love him,” she said. “It’s whether you can build something healthy with him.”
I nodded slowly. “I still feel weird about the power imbalance,” I admitted. “That hasn’t magically disappeared.”
“You’re not wrong to see it,” Alex said.
“But it doesn’t mean you run,” Eleanor added.
I exhaled. “I think I need to go back, but not tonight,” I said quietly. “I just need to figure out how to say it without it turning into another corporate acquisition.”
They both laughed softly.
I ended up crashing there.
Eleanor made up the couch even though I insisted I could handle a blanket. Alex turned off the lights and muttered something about feral independence on his way upstairs.
