“I don’t want to talk about that.” I cut him off and tried to move away from him, but he held me in place.
“I do.” He tried to make eye contact again, but I couldn’t. I looked to the floor. He placed a hand underneath my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him once more.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about what you said. That we’re perfect together. Weareperfect for each other.”
“Forget I said that,” I quickly added.
“I can’t, because you were right. And I can’t believe it took me three years to see it. But when Sam gave me that ultimatum, it all became so clear.”
“What ultimatum?”
“She said I could never see you again. That it was you or her, and I chose you, Val. I choose you because I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”
My mind was racing at a million miles an hour. Thoughts and images swirled through it like an uncontrollable whirlwind was raging inside my brain. I didn’t know what to think.Was this really happening?Was this it, the moment I had dreamed about, prayed for, wished for, obsessed over for so many years? Was it finally, finally happening?
“What are you saying?” I asked.
“That I love you,” he said.
And just like that, it rolled off his tongue.
Those three words.
The three words that I’d pined for. The words that I’d said to him silently in my head so many times before. I’d opened my mouth to say them to him so many times before, but never had. They were always on the tip of my tongue. Residing there. Waiting to be freed. But now they weren’t there anymore.Where were they?I no longer felt the unstoppable urge that was so great that sometimes I had to bite my lip so tightly that it hurt.
“Matt, I . . . I—”
“I know,” he said, cutting me off. “You’ve always loved me and I’m so sorry it took me so long to see it.”
“But you’re getting married, Matt. To Sam,” I said.
“It’s over between us.”
I was about to open my mouth to say something, anything, I wasn’t sure. But suddenly his lips were on me. His lips felt hard and cold and a chill ran through my body and into my feet. I felt sweaty and clammy and confused.
I tried to pull away from the kiss, but Matt obviously took it as something else, and pulled me in even more.This was what I had wanted. Wasn’t it?But it felt so strange; his lips on mine, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth, his hands running down my back, pulling me closer to him. I felt as if I was out of my body, floating above myself looking down at what was going on.
“I love you,” he whispered against my mouth. It sounded so genuine and so sincere and he said it with the exact tone I’d always imagined he’d say it with. Something in me stirred.
“Say that again,” I said. “Say that again.” I wanted to know if this was real.
He pulled away from the kiss and held my face between his hands. He looked deep into my eyes and were those . . .?God, he had tears in his eyes.This was the exact script I’d written in my head. He would look at me, tears in his eyes, and tell me how much he loved me and what a terrible mistake he’d made all these years and how he needed me.
“Val,” he started speaking slowly. ‘I love you. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, I’ve made such a mistake. But I need you. Please . . .” A tear left his eye and rolled down his cheek.
“Matt,” I whispered back to him. My voice shaking with emotion. So many different emotions I wasn’t even sure I knew or understood them yet. I’d wanted this for so long . . .
I leaned in and placed my lips over his. I’d always wanted to know what it would feel like to be able to do that. To be the girl who could just kiss Matt whenever she wanted to. I’d always wanted to know what it would feel like to run my hands through his hair . . .so I did. I kissed him and I ran my hands through his hair. I’d always wanted to know what it would feel like to splay my fingers across his chest . . .so I did that too. I’d always wanted to know what it would feel like to have him desire and want me and lust for me. So I pushed myself into him just enough. I could feel he was hard,but was this what I wanted?
“Val?” A voice from the doorway. I knew exactly who it was the second I heard it.
I pushed Matt away from me and stared at the door. Alex was standing in it holding a plate of breakfast in his hand. “Alex,” I said.
Alex looked at me. His face dropped and then he looked over at Matt.
“I should go now,” Alex said and turned away.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
