I ran out of the room leaving Matt behind me. “Alex, wait!” I called after him as he walked briskly down the corridor towards the reception area. But he ignored me and kept on walking, leaving the hotel and marching straight for the beach.
“Wait, Alex. I can explain!” My words came out in desperate bursts.Why was I explaining? And what exactly was I explaining?
Alex finally stopped when he reached the beach. He swung around and faced me. His face was cool and calm and betrayed nothing of his feelings. What was he feeling?
“It’s Matt,” I said. “He’s left Sam. He’s here. He says he’s in love with me. He cried.” The words cascaded out of my mouth. “I didn’t know he was coming here. I didn’t know.” I sounded frantic and panicked and I didn’t quite know why. Nor did I quite know what these feelings rushing through my body were. Hot, cold, anxious, angry . . . Everything buzzed and whirled and my heart pounded.
“I see,” he said. And then he got very quiet and thoughtful for a moment. My heart raced, waiting for him to say something back to me. “It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? It’s what you dreamed of?”
I hesitated. “Yes.” I nodded. “It is what I wanted.”
“And now it’s happening.” Alex smiled. Not a warm, friendly one, but a smile that made my chest feel tight. “He left his fiancée and he’s come all the way here to tell you he loves you and sweep you off your feet.”
“Yes.”
Alex paused. He looked at me for the longest time and then his body language seemed to change somewhat. “I’m happy for you, Val. I really am,” he said.
“You are?” I asked, completely taken aback by his answer. Suddenly, something felt like it exploded in my chest. It took my breath away momentarily.
He nodded. “Sure. You’ve been in love with him for so long. This is your dream come true, right?”
“Um . . . I guess,” I acknowledged. This had been my dream for so long,so why was there a part of me that felt like it was a total nightmare too?
“I . . . I . . .” I stumbled over my words again, they were barely coming out. They were barely making sense in my head, so how was I even meant to speak them out loud?Nothing was making sense right now.
“But the list.” I took a step closer to him.
“What about it?” He shrugged.
“We made a promise to get over our exes together. We made a promise not to get into a relationship with anyone with the ribbons . . .” I raised my hand and realized the ribbon wasn’t on it anymore.
Alex raised his hand and his finger was empty too. “Like you said at the very beginning, Val, don’t believe everything you read in magazines.”
“But . . . but . . .” I grasped for words. They were not coming. And then some did. “Last night?”
“What about it?” Alex finally looked up at me. His gray eyes were almost black. A turbulent, stormy black color.
“It was—” I stopped. Not knowing what word to put in that sentence, hoping that maybe he’d put a word into it for me.
“It was two friends helping each other out so that they could move on,” he said, looking away again.
“Was it?” I asked. That heavy feeling in my chest again. “Was it just sex for you?”
Alex swung around and looked at me again. This time he looked angry. “What do you want me to say, Val? That I felt something? Because I did. Okay. I felt something. I still feel something. I’ve felt something for days now.”
“So what are you saying, Alex?” I asked, the sound of my heart beating was so loud.
“That the list worked for me. I’m over Connie. I’m totally over her, and this last week with you has made me realize how we were never suited for each other in the first place because I’ve met you and you and I are so—” He stopped talking abruptly.
“We are so what?” I asked.
“Well, I thought we were anyway,” he said sadly. “But it’s clear you don’t feel the same way, because you’re not over Matt. In fact, you’re kissing him. You’re running your hands through his hair, you’re rubbing yourself against him . . .” His voice trailed off.
“I . . . I . . .” I stuttered again. “Alex, please?” I said.
“Please what?” he asked.
Please tell me what I should be feeling. Please tell me exactly how you feel. Please tell me what to do, what to think.I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
