“Val,” Alex took a step closer to me, “since meeting you, I feel alive. I’ve done things that I never ever thought I would do before. I feel like I’ve woken up. That before meeting you I was sleeping and now . . . I’m awake.”
“Awake?” I asked. But I wanted to hear more than “awake.” Surely “awake” didn’t override years and years of love that I’d felt for someone?
“Well, what do you feel?” he asked.
“I . . . I . . .” I tripped over my tied tongue. “Confused,” I admitted.
Alex sighed and then shook his head. “So here I am again . . . I feel like I’m on the rooftop all over again asking the girl to pick me and then she doesn’t.”
“Is that what you’re doing, Alex? Asking me to pick you?” I asked.
“Maybe . . .” he said. He looked at me. I could see he was wrestling with something in his head and then he just blurted it out. “I think I might be feeling a lot for you, Val . . . that I might be . . .” he paused for the longest time, “falling for you.” Alex threw his arms in the air. “Is that better? Is that what you want to hear? Even though I said I wasn’t going to be saying that anytime soon, I think I might be saying it again.”
A warm rush swept through my body and my heart started thumping in my chest. “You are?” I asked.
“Yes . . . Jesus!” He turned away from me and walked in a small circle. “Talk about falling for the wrong women. I seem to have a habit of that. One cheats on me seven years into the relationship, and the other one is kissing her ex the night after I made love to her.” And then Alex paused and looked at me curiously. “And you are confused.” It was a statement. Not a question.
I locked eyes with Alex, I could feel a tear dislodging itself from my eye and start rolling down my cheek.I was confused. So confused.I couldn’t quite sift through what I was feeling right now. It was all just too overwhelming and sudden. Matt arriving and breaking up with Sam. Alex telling me he was falling for me. I needed a moment to process this all. But I didn’t get it, because I heard my name being called.
I turned and looked at him.Matt.He was smiling at me. Waving. I looked back at Alex, his eyes seemed to be beseeching me.
“Val?” Matt called again and I turned around once more. He was looking at me withthe look.
Shit! I looked back over at Alex. He looked expectant, waiting for me. Waiting for the answer. I started shaking my head at Alex. “I don’t know wh—”
He cut me off by holding his hand up. “Then let me do it for you.”
“Do what?” Panic gripped me.
“The last week has been amazing. I will never forget it. And I will never forget you. And I wish you only the best, Val. I wish you all the happiness in the world, wherever and whoever that may be with.”
My heart snapped. Broke. It shattered into a million pieces in my chest and I wanted to cry. He turned and started walking away.
“Wait,” I called out in panic.
Alex turned again. “You don’t know what you want, Val.” He said it so firmly and I knew he was right.
“I just need a few moments to think,” I said. I needed a second to catch my breath and fucking process this all.
“You shouldn’t have to think so hard about this. I know I don’t have to.” He turned again and continued to walk away.
“Val?” I heard Matt call me again. I turned and looked at him
Matt had left Sam.For me.He’d come all this way to tell me he loved me. I’d spent more than a thousand days loving that man and surely something that had happened over the course of a week could not erase that?
I turned and looked back at Alex. He was far down the beach now, jogging. I wanted to run after him and stop him and . . . and . . .
“Val, are you okay?” Matt called from behind me again.
“I’m fine,” I called back to him. “Give me a minute. I’ll meet you inside.” I turned and he smiled at me. I smiled back because that’s what I always did when he smiled.
“Sure.” He nodded and walked back inside. I looked back to where Alex had been. But he was gone now. I scanned the beach and the garden, but couldn’t see him anywhere. So I turned and started walking back towards the hotel. Towards Matt. I walked towards Matt, because that’s what I’d done for the last three years of my life. Matt was my default.
A rustle in the bushes made me stop. I didn’t even turn to look, because I knew exactly what it was.
“WHAT!” I shouted.
I waited for a response, but of course I knew I wouldn’t get one. So I turned and looked at him. His head moved from side to side, almost as if it were shaking it at me.
