‘Am I? I didn’t mean to.’
‘I know you didn’t,’ he said. ‘Look, there’s our Uber.’ He pointed at the car waiting at the bottom of the driveway. ‘Nearly there,’ he said, walking so slowly that I was sure we were almost at a standstill. When we finally reached the car he held the door open for me and I climbed in. The Uber driver was also staring at me.
‘Did you also see my panties?’ I asked him. His uneasy look away told me all I needed to know.
‘Sorry for exposing myself like that. I don’t usually do that, but I was just trying to cool down. It’s very hot today, isn’t it?’
‘Shall I crank up the AC?’ he asked.
‘Yes! Thank you!’ I sat back in my seat and, as I did, my stomach let out a loud noise. ‘I’m hungry. I didn’t eat enough. How are you supposed to line your stomach adequately with food when they only bring you tiny blocks of cheese and chocolates and little dried fruits? No wonder I feel so inebriated. Are you inebriated?’ I looked at Andrew and my eyes quickly drifted down to his lips. I usually talked to people’s lips. I found that people didn’t really notice you weren’t making direct eye contact with them if you talked to their lips. I could describe everyone’s lips and teeth to utter perfection but could hardly recall what color eyes they had, except Andrew, of course. His were so startling it was hard to miss.
‘I have definitely had one too many sips of wine.’ He smiled at me. ‘But I stopped when they started bringing out all that dessert wine with the baked cinnamon apple pies and mini crème brûlées.’
‘Maybe I should have stopped there too,’ I lamented, feeling sorry for myself that I had sipped that Moscato and too-sweet port. ‘I have regrets,’ I moaned again. The car started moving and my regrets increased as the motion made me feel even worse. I tried to distract myself by looking out the window, but the scenery felt like it was flying by faster than what was normal. My regrets were increasing exponentially.
‘I hate feeling like this.’ I clutched my head and moaned once more.
‘Not to eavesdrop,’ the Uber driver said, ‘but would you like me to stop so you can’ – he paused and looked like he was searching for the words – ‘get some fresh air?’ I realized he was trying to use a euphemism for ‘throw up’ or something equally horrific like that, something that if I landed up doing, I would feel utterly mortified about for the next year, at least.
I nodded at the man in the mirror and was soon standing on the side of the road. I took big gulps of fresh air, but it did little for my spinning head.
‘I don’t usually do this,’ I said to Andrew as I sat down on a rock feeling violently embarrassed for myself. ‘I really, really don’t do this!’ I insisted. For some reason it had suddenly become important to me that Andrew didn’t think I was the kind of person who became unreasonably drunk at social events, flashed everyone their underwear, fell into bushes, acted like a fool and sat on rocks on the side of the road clutching their heads.
‘I believe you,’ he said.
The small road I was perched on like some kind of a rock rabbit was surrounded by more vineyards. The mountain, once again, rose up behind the fields and, with the sun setting behind it, patches of orange glowed against the rocky outcrops. The air was cool and crisp and I inhaled bucket-sized gulps of it, hoping that by some miracle of science that was yet to be discovered oxygen was able to counteract the effects of alcohol in the bloodstream.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I apologized to the Uber driver, who was sitting in the car. ‘For this, and for the underwear.’
‘Take as long as you need – as long as you know you pay a waiting fee.’
I shot the man a thumbs-up as the taste of bile crept up the back of my throat. This was so undignified. So terribly, terribly undignified.
‘This might help.’ The Uber driver produced a small bottle of mineral water and passed it over to Andrew. I ripped the lid off with gusto and took three large sips.
‘I really don’t do this,’ I moaned, at the driver now.
‘Honey, this is the winelands. No one makes it out of the winelands in one piece. You are not the first, and you will certainly not be the last, and as for you flashing me, trust me, I’ve seen a lot worse. A lot!’ His admission went a little way in curbing the feelings inside.
I continued to sip the water and gulp in the fresh air, and after a while I felt my sense of gravity return and the spinning began to subside. I heard a noise overhead and looked up.
‘Embraer Legacy.’ I pointed at the sky.
Andrew looked up. ‘Only one of the best jets in the world,’ he added.
‘Have you flown one?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘Not yet, but it is on my list of planes I would love to fly one day.’
‘It’s good to have a list of things like that,’ I commented.
‘You seem to have a very impressive list too, like running your own airport one day?’
I smiled at the thought of it.
‘You’d be amazing at that,’ he said.
I looked up at him and almost cried. I think that was the best compliment anyone had ever given me, and I was about to say something when my stomach let out a loud rumble. ‘I feel much better, but now I’m starving.’
