‘Are there people there that you need a fake girlfriend for?’
‘No.’
‘So why would I come?’
‘Aren’t we allowed to hang out outside of our arrangement?’
‘I suppose we have had coffee a few times, which is outside of the parameters of the arrangement,’ I said.
‘Besides, I think you’ll enjoy this. We meet at an abandoned runway at a defunct mine an hour out of town.’
‘I usually take my dogs to the dog park on Sundays.’
‘What time do you take them?’
‘Three to five. There’s a dam, and they love swimming.’
‘Plane flying is from eleven to one, so we could be back at yours by two, fetch the dogs and go to the dog park.’
‘We?Do you want to come to the dog park?’
‘Unless you don’t want me to?’
‘It’s just . . . no one’s ever come with me to the dog park before. It’s usually something I do alone.’
‘You can think about it,’ Andrew said casually. ‘No pressure. I’d just love to see those beasts running and swimming. I bet they’re very impressive.’
‘They are. All the other dogs are terrified of them, expect for this one Labrador they always play with.’
‘Would you like to think about coming with me to fly the planes too?’ Andrew asked.
I nodded. I liked that he didn’t push me into making arrangements quickly, like other people did. It drove most people crazy that I couldn’t give them an answer in the moment. I needed at least a few hours, a day even, for an idea to marinate and sink in.
Later that night, when Andrew and I had parted ways and I was home alone in my bed, I got a message from my mom that made my blood rather icy.
Mom:I’m so happy. Andrew is perfect for you! Dad and I were just saying so.
Pippa:Mom, stop. It’s early days. You can’t know that.
Mom:Oh yes I can. I can see it in the way he looks and smiles at you.
Pippa:Really?
This was the second time I’d heard about these smiles that people who supposedly liked each other gave each other. I made a mental note to google them a little later, in an attempt to understand them in more depth.
Mom:Your father smiles at me like that still.
Pippa:Mom, I have to go, I want to sleep.
I did want to sleep, but also, all this talk of smiling was starting to make me uncomfortable. As soon as I put the phone down I typed the following into Google:Do men smile if they like you?After reading several articles on the topic, it was indeed confirmed that one of the ways to tell if a person fancied you was through the way they smiled at you. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the way Andrew smiled at me, but I wasn’t sure whether they were real smiles or fake-boyfriend smiles. And also, I was too young to be in perimenopause, I’d googled that too.
I lay awake for a while looking up at my airplane mobile. I felt strangely restless, unable to convert lying still into falling asleep. I got up, walked through to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of juice. The evening was summery, so I walked outside and sat on the patio. Zeus and Athena immediately joined me.
They liked to sleep outside in summer, but in winter they slept in my room or next to the fire. I flopped down on the outdoor sofa and my dogs climbed on, each one putting a giant head onto one of my legs. Their heads were so heavy, almost crushing, but I liked the feeling. I sipped my drink and looked out over the city below. I loved being here. It felt as if I was totally removed from the outside world, but still able to access it when I wanted to. It was the perfect set-up for someone like me.
‘Dog park tomorrow!’ I said, and both dogs put their heads up and looked at me. ‘Should we let Andrew come with us?’ I asked, even though I knew they couldn’t answer. I looked back over the city and focused my attention on each twinkling light. Each light represented a window of a house, or an apartment. I wondered who might be behind those windows. Most people seemed to gravitate together, forming little human clusters, whether it was families, or roommates. People liked being together. I imagined that each of those lights down there represented some kind of union between two or more people; maybe a mother feeding a baby at night, two friends sitting up late and talking, lovers making love, a husband and wife arguing about something mundane. The light from my own window reflected on my feet – one set of feet, not two – and I sighed.
‘Okay, fine. I’ll message Andrew then, if you two are so insistent about it.’ I scratched them again, and fistfuls of hair came away. ‘Dog groomers for you both.’ They raised their heads again, but not in excitement. They hated the dog groomer. For all their bravery and bravado, bring a pair of nail clippers anywhere near them and they’re shaking like baby chihuahuas and screaming like overdramatic huskies! You’ve never seen such a pathetic sight as Zeus and Athena getting their nails clipped!
