Jennifer:I take no offence, obviously.
Pippa:I know. And that’s what I love about you.
Jennifer:Did you just say you loved me?
Jennifer:Oh my God, you must like him. That, or the sex was so good you’re high on endorphins and have no idea what you’re saying.
Pippa:How’s your sex life?
Jennifer:Dismal. I’m not sure if Colleen and I are going to make it.
I stared at the phone awkwardly.
Jennifer:Don’t worry, no pressure to say something profound and perfectly consoling to me.
Pippa:God, I do love you!
Jennifer:I know.
Pippa:I’m sorry.
Jennifer:I’m okay, actually. She’s great, I really like her, but I don’t think we’re compatible. You, on the other hand, seem very compatible.
Pippa:Well, I did have two orgasms.
Jennifer:Hahah! I wasn’t meaning just sexually, but thanks for the visual.
Jennifer:Wait, aren’t you at the wedding? Where on earth did you have sex?
Pippa:The bathroom.
Jennifer:Whoooaa!
Pippa:I know. It was very thrilling.
Jennifer:I bet.
I paused for a while and shuffled from side to side.
Pippa:Do you think I’ll ever get this being in relationships thing right . . . you know. With my . . .
I stopped typing.
Jennifer:With being on the autism spectrum?
Pippa:Yes.
Jennifer:Look, relationships are hard for anyone. Take me, for example, I’m grumpy, an extremely negative person, I’m very blunt (and I don’t have an excuse like you do), which means I’m probably just a rude bitch, and I’m very set in my ways. That makes dating hard for me. Dating is hard for you in other ways.
Pippa:I overheard Delia and Tertia talking about me. They said it would never last with Andrew. That I was too odd for him.
Jennifer:Delia and Tertia barely have two brain cells between them.
Pippa:Delia still thinks I’m an air stewardess.
Jennifer:My point exactly.
Jennifer:Right, listen to me, because I am wise and am a psychiatrist, even if my specialty is forensic psychiatry.
