Pippa:Who doesn’t want to have sex with a porn star?
Andrew:Me.
Andrew:I don’t think having sex with other people is the solution.
Pippa:Then what is?
Andrew:Don’t know. You’re the one with all the unconventional yet strangely genius ideas.
I thought for a moment.
Pippa:We need to have sex again, and it needs to be bad. Thus, it will erase the memory of the good sex and we will never want to have sex with each other again.
Andrew:Um . . . can’t tell whether you’re joking or being serious? Besides, how on earth do you propose having bad sex?
Pippa:I hate it when men talk dirty. You could call me things like ‘naughty girl’ and ‘dirty slut’, and I hate the word ‘pussy’. If you used that in bed with me, I would never sleep with you again!!! Ever. What about you?
Andrew:Oh my God, you are being serious?!!!
Pippa:And I also hate it when men call their penises cocks! It makes me think of a big, feathery rooster and then I get very put off. Who wants to think about poultry while having sex?
Pippa:And I’m not a fan of anything anal. A guy once tried to stick his finger up my bum and I had to use the Gedan Barai on him.
Andrew:The what?
Pippa:It’s a downward block, very standard karate move.
Andrew:Oh my God! I actually don’t know if I want to know all this.
Pippa:You’re the one that wanted a solution.
Andrew:I didn’t think the solution for NOT having sex would end up being us talking about sex. And certainly not you telling me about the sex you’ve had with other guys.
Andrew:I really,reallydon’t want to hear about your previous sexual encounters.
Pippa:You had previous sexual encounters too though. What’s the problem?
Andrew:The problem is you telling me the details about them. Strange as it may seem, I don’t want to imagine you having sex with anyone else, if that’s okay with you? It’s not an image I want stuck in my head.
Pippa:He wasn’t nearly as good as you, if that makes you feel better.
Andrew:NO! No that does not make me feel better. In fact, that somehow makes me feel worse.
Pippa:How?
Andrew:Because now I’m thinking about how good the sex was again.
Pippa:So we’re back to square one again?
Andrew:I don’t think we ever left square one.
Pippa:It would be great if someone had invented a time machine by now. Scientists have used a quantum computer to show that time travel is theoretically possible by changing a simulated particle back into an ordered state from its original entropic state.
Andrew:Would you want to go back in time and not have sex with me?
Pippa:Yes.
Andrew:Well, since that is impossible, I’m afraid it’s not the solution.
