Ash:What if we’re no good at sex?
Sarah:Okay, don’t panic. This is your first attempt. Just take a deep breath.
Ash:I’m trying.
Ash:Crap, and now my phone battery is also low. I’m going to have to go soon. What should I do?
Sarah:You guys have waited so long you’re probably both just freaking out.
Sarah:Try again. But be more chilled. Take the pressure off. Have a glass of champagne or something. It’s probably just nerves.
Ash:You’re right—it’s probably nerves.
Sarah:Totally!
Ash:Okay! I’ll try again.
Ash:I just wanted tonight to be perfect.
Sarah:I’m sure it’ll be perfect when it happens.
Ash:You think?
Sarah:I know.
Ash:You’re right. I mean it’s impossible to love someone so much and hate having sex with them, right? When you’re in love, sex is meant to be amazing. It’s not meant to be this terrible, right?
Sarah:Exactly!
Sarah:Go make it happen!
Ash:Okay. I will.
Sarah:It’ll be amazing.
Ash:I know it will.
1 HOUR LATER
Ash:Can you come and fetch me please?
Sarah:Did you guys have sex?
Ash:Well, he got it inside the right place this time.
Sarah:That’s great.
Ash:But only for five seconds . . .
Sarah:Oh, that happens. They finish really fast the first time.
Ash:That’s not what happened.
Sarah:?
Ash:I don’t think Logan should drink champagne again. Ever.
Sarah:Did he pass out?
