All her rational instincts warned her not to misinterpret his words, not to allow herself any false hopes that he might want her in a romantic way.
At the same time, just thinking about it lifted her hopes and shone a tiny beacon of light into her heart.
Treading cautiously, she managed to get a few shaky words out. “I beg your pardon?”
“I mean, I want you to stay with us. Ineedyou to stay.”
Carefully, meticulously, she pressed him for his true meaning, for she had learned her lesson once and learned it well, and she would never again presume anything about Adam. He would have to hit her over the head with a marriage proposal first. “I don’t understand.”
He looked deeply into her eyes. “Mrs. Dalton is getting married. She’s leaving us in a few days, and I am desperate. I need you to stay, at least for a while until I can find another housekeeper.”
An angry tightness squeezed around her chest. “You want me to be your housekeeper?”
“Well, that was your plan, wasn’t it? To support yourself here? You can be sure this is not a charity position, Madeline. I truly need you.”
“But I’ve already promised the Ripleys.”
“Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it.” When she made no reply, he added, “I’ll triple it, then.”
With a forceful swallow, she pushed down the anger she had no business feeling, for Adam was doing nothing wrong by asking her to stay, and her rational mind knew that. She had buried and hidden any feelings for him, and to him, she was his future sister-in-law, nothing more. She was, as she had always been, invisible.
“You can’t leave us now, Madeline, not when you’ve become such a friend to the children. They adore you.Iadore you. We could all be so happy together if you will just consider staying.”
She tried to see into the future, tried to imagine how this could possibly turn out well for her.
She pictured Diana arriving and becoming Adam’s wife. Madeline would be forced to watch them retreat to their bedchamber together every night, and wish it wasshein Adam’s bed and in his arms.
She would have to listen to them talking and laughing and going off alone like they used to do all those years ago. She could not imagine a worse fate.
Adam cradled her chin in his big hand, and in the dim flickering candlelight, she saw the pleading in his eyes. Oh, if it were a different kind of pleading—one filled with passion and desire—she would never be capable of resisting what was forbidden to her.
“Please, Madeline, don’t leave. I couldn’t possibly get along without you, not now. We have become such good…such good friends.”
She felt his thumb stroke her cheek, and she ached to touch him. The delicious, inviting musk of his body overwhelmed her senses.
They stood by the bookcase, staring at each other. Madeline could smell his shaving soap and the dripping candlewax and the books on the shelves beside them. She could even hear her own heart throbbing in her ears.
Adam was still caressing her cheek. She felt so intimate with him! If he thought her a child, he was wrong. She was a woman, a woman who wanted to belong to him, body and soul. Was there a chance he could ever see her that way? What if Dianaweren’tcoming? Would he open his eyes to Madeline then?
That thought jolted her.
What if Diana didn’t come? Wasn’t it possible? Wasn’t there a slim chance that by the time she received Adam’s proposal, she might have already remarried? Her mourning period had ended months ago, and Madeline had not spoken to her since then. Adam’s proposal would take at least six weeks to get to her. Wasn’t there a chance? And wasn’t there a chance that Adam could fall in love with Madeline in the meantime?
Lord, what was she thinking? She was not a devious person. She loved her sister, and if Dianawasgoing to come, Madeline could not steal the true love of her life out from under her.
But Adam was the love of Madeline’s own life as well. Why should she sacrifice her happiness for Diana, who had always gotten the best of everything and hadchosento throw Adam over for a better catch years ago, while Madeline had suffered and been punished for something she could not control. For being born feet first. That had not been her fault, and the fact that she had never known her mother was as painful and damaging to her as it had been for everyone else.
Still, the fact remained that Adam loved Diana, not Madeline, and Madeline wasn’t sure she would ever be able to change that, even if she tried. Diana had been the love ofhislife, after all.
“Well? Will you stay?” Adam asked, still stroking her cheek, and she realized it was a seduction of sorts—maybe not a sexual one, and maybe not a conscious one, either, but an effective one all the same, for it found its mark.
She could not fathom leaving him.
“Yes, Adam, I’ll stay.”
Chapter Nine
The sky was blue and the sun warm over the south field as Adam, Jacob and George planted the season’s first crop of barley. The boys were spread out across the field, working diligently with their bags of seed slung over their shoulders, straw tricorn hats shading their downturned faces from the sun.
